This week’s big event was a rerun of last week’s big event. Jeff Bezos’s space nonsense was, joke-wise, a pale echo of Richard Branson’s space nonsense. Everyone had a nice laugh about how phallic Bezos’s rocket was, a relatively toothless thing to josh about. Don’t get it twisted — wild shit happened this week. It just wasn’t really monologue fodder. A composer for the Olympics opening ceremony resigned because people found out he made a disabled kid eat feces. There’s a huge strike at Frito-Lay. There’s a Witcher anime coming out. Yet many monologues this week focused mostly on quotes from books about Trump. I, for one, don’t care about Trump books anymore. I want to hear about Shein hauls!
As the nation maybe kinda sorta backslides into another pandemic, there’s nothing especially fun to center one’s topical commentary around. Climate crisis? Too sad. Rhianna? PDA pics are fun, but you can only talk about size-inclusive lingerie for so long. Here’s what hit best this week in late night.
5. Desus & Mero’s Filthiest Monologue Yet
Desus and Mero should always be wallowing in the muck. Any attempts to make their show more palatable and less online/perverted are (1) rude and (2) unwelcome. Before the show proper starts, Desus Nice and the Kid Mero discuss the hot topics of the day, and this Thursday, they were presented with back-to-back nasty content: a light that simulates jerking off an uncircumcised penis, a contest to find China’s most motile sperm, MILF talk. The hosts worked through the material with aplomb, but first made sure producer Julia wasn’t too cold to do her job. You can be nasty and considerate, fellas. Take note.
4. Tooning Out the News’ Convincing Hick Costume
First, we want to give a shout-out to Tooning Out the News last week for being one of the few shows to mention Haiti’s assassination situation at all. The Late Show seems to have shunted all the prickly political talk to the Paramout+ spinoff, which lets live-action Stephen Colbert focus on mocking the appearance of various Republican senators. This week, the establishment cucks of Inside the Hill took a moment to think about climate change … now that it’s come for Napa Valley wine. There was also a lovely moment of hillbilly elegizing, as one of the pundits put on his best hick costume to get in with the little people. Tooning Out the News is where you want to go for really mean topical comedy.
3. Kate Beckinsale Looks Hotter With a Beard
Fake facial hair always delivers. Both Kate Beckinsale and Jimmy Fallon donned beards for their interview on The Tonight Show, and it was good fun. A beard suits Beckinsale, highlighting her already cut cheekbones in a way you didn’t think was medically possible. Fallon kept his beard on for his interview with Fred Armisen, which prompted Armisen to find a fake mustache to wear as well. He just has fake ’staches lying around! That makes sense, but it’s good to confirm.
2. “That’s Not Talking About Me!”
Twitter rightfully pointed out that one of the joys of I Think You Should Leave is the way it reinvents English. The show puts words together in novel ways, with rhythms that are just funnier than normal-ass English. Tim Robinson’s interview with Seth Meyers teetered on anarchy for almost its entire run. It finally went all the way over when Meyers got the name of Robinson’s show wrong. That somehow devolved into the two arguing over whose show has the most needlessly long name. When Meyers pointed out that I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson is even longer than I Think You Should Leave, Tim went full ITYSL character, insisting that the “Tim Robinson” in the title shouldn’t reflect on him because “that’s not my name, that’s the title.” What? “That’s not talking about me!” Robinson insisted about the title I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson. Got it? It’s not talking about him. It’s just the title.
1. Jason Sudeikis, a Cute Shirt, and Puppies
A tragically un-mustached Jason Sudeikis joined Stephen Colbert for one of The Late Show’s best bits: making up fake backstories for li’l puppies. Sudeikis and his fun bull’s-eye sweater helped get pups from an animal shelter adopted by coming up with fun lies about them, like that one of them invented the “add 30 seconds” button on the microwave. Another is technically a saint! Another attacked the camera, which is always fun. My only complaint is that Sudeikis doesn’t support a puppy’s rump enough when holding them.
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