bachelor nation

The Bachelorette Has Its WikiLeaks Moment

Quick, get your buddies from the Justice Department on the phone. Bonus points if they have access to a closet of sparkly ball gowns. During the Monday premiere of the newest Bachelorette season, Michelle Young handed a contestant his ass when it was revealed he commissioned and/or co-wrote a detailed ledger about how to become the most popular guy on the show. (And also to woo her in the process, we guess.) We’re not talking about a few note cards of basic Young facts; there were pages and pages and pages of intel about how to game the franchise and which previous contestants he should emulate, but his logic is flawed thanks to a series of research errors: He spells “Bachelorette” wrong on the folder and thinks it’s a good idea to behave like … Blake Horstmann? The Stagecoach bum? Here’s a sampling:

“When watching The Bachelor, it’s hard not to notice that these quotes are said at least every season or every episode for that matter.”

“The biggest fault is that you’re overconfident, arrogant, and it’s a massive turnoff to people, you come off as mean and demanding, better to just keep those thoughts to yourself and express a positive outlook to others.”

“Who to emulate from the show: Jason Tartick, not your typical Bachelorette contestant … business as a financial adviser.”

“Here are a few phrases that have been repeated over the years.”

The contestant, who we’re told goes by the name Ryan, was sent home before the rose ceremony, evoking memories of middle-school detention.

The Bachelorette Has Its WikiLeaks Moment