In the Gucci family, according to the film House of Gucci, there are many cherished traditions, most of which involve spending a lot of time caring for the fancy Tuscan cows that form the basis of their leatherworking empire and betraying each other. In my family, we possess fewer traditions and absolutely no cows, but we do have the tradition of going to see a movie after Thanksgiving dinner. It stems from a need to do something after having a weirdly early dinner (Does everyone have early Thanksgiving dinners? Ours are always at 3 p.m., who knows why), a mutual love of multiplexes, and not wanting to talk to each other anymore. That grand tradition has led to many group viewings of classics such as Casino Royale, Interstellar (when I had a stomach flu and had to run to a bathroom to throw up right when Ellen Burstyn appeared onscreen), and a movie we all saw and silently agreed to never talk about again, Love and Other Drugs. (We also had one year when no one in the extended family could agree, which is how I ended up seeing Four Christmases with my aunt while my brother and uncle went to Zack and Miri Make a Porno.)
This year, if you are engaging in this standard American family Thanksgiving activity, you might once again be in need of a film to all watch together. There are a good number of options this year — perhaps everyone has a high sci-fi tolerance and wants to see Dune, or maybe you all can be united in a distrust of the royals–slash–love of Twilight and go to Spencer — but I have determined that, empirically, House of Gucci is the most Family Thanksgiving Movie out there. Is it a good movie? Who knows! That’s not the point. But I promise that it is guaranteed to serve this purpose well.
Reason 1: House of Gucci is very long.
The movie is two hours and 37 minutes long! You might think this is a point against it, because maybe some family members will get bored and fall asleep, but this is actually great for a Family Thanksgiving Movie. You’ve already killed so much of the evening watching the movie together (less time to bicker about other things) and avoided those crucial after-dinner lulls where someone might say something like, “What do you all think about the state of the American political experiment?” Or worse: “Are you dating anyone right now?”
Reason 2: House of Gucci has an actor everyone can talk about.
A crucial part of any family movie discussion is when everyone gets to share where they saw an actor previously and nod sagely while they discuss how their performances compared. Younger generations can talk about Tisch alumna Lady Gaga (as she is famously credited in a season-three episode of Gossip Girl), older generations can talk about Pacino and Jeremy Irons, too-online children can say that they want Adam Driver to step on their face, moms who watched Call My Agent! can say it’s nice that Camille Cottin shows up briefly, and weird cousins can discuss the merits of Jared Leto, cinema’s weirdest cousin.
Reason 3: House of Gucci has accents everyone can talk about.
There is nothing more fun than being an armchair expert about the accents of movie stars. Are they good? Are they bad? Are they damaging to the status of Italians in the media? Should Ridley Scott have just shot the movie in Italian? Everyone can weigh in!
Reason 4: House of Gucci will make you all have to Wikipedia things.
You’re guaranteed to get at least another hour out of looking up various plot points like “Is Salma Hayek’s psychic character real?” (yes) and “What did Tom Ford do at Gucci” (design G-strings) and “Lake Como home how expensive” (very expensive).
Reason 5: House of Gucci is not for children.
Actually, this is somewhat of a downside if your family has a lot of children, but in that case, assign them some teenage cousin chaperone, send them off to Encanto (fun songs!), and then stick with Gucci for the adults. There’s a whole sex scene on a desk that is quite vigorous! Again, maybe you consider that a downside, but personally I believe Family Thanksgiving Movies are better when they’re a little scandalous. Gives everyone a little something to grumble and titter about.
Reason 6: House of Gucci is about the essential rot of wealth.
The movie’s got a lot of glamour, but it’s structured as a sort of tragedy of the collapse of a family, and their loss of control of their business due to the vicissitudes of the market. It’s an apt fit for a holiday that is superficially cozy, but really a commemoration of colonization. Make everyone do a little reflection on that.
Reason 7: House of Gucci will give you all many inside jokes to reference.
Even if you don’t like the movie, you will be bonded by making fun of its most ridiculous moments (when Lady Gaga announces, “It’s taime to take out thee trash”; when Jared Leto does anything) and then get a whole new set of inside jokes to reference. Families need inside jokes and mutual shared references in order to survive, otherwise they would just have to talk to each other directly. No one wants that.
In conclusion, I am taking my family to see House of Gucci this Thanksgiving, so I’m just hoping this works out on my end.
More on House of Gucci
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