Twitterverse has done it once again, gifting America the dazzling crossover of glove meme, unstable nerd, and Mickey Mouse Club reject. You know who’s who. On November 13, Bernie Sanders tweeted to the people, “We must demand that the extremely wealthy pay their fair share. Period.” (We must demand you, 80-year-old Vermont senator, always end your sentences like a quirky Gen-Z TikToker. Period.) Elon Musk swooped in ready to assert his dominance. Strapped with his phallic-looking profile photo, Tesla master struck back at Bernie: “I keep forgetting you’re still alive.” Weeks later, Musk’s tweet still wasn’t sitting right with Courtney Love Cobain, so she tweeted some claims about Elon’s shady Succession-like undertakings. “@elonmusk you know your str8, male, PayPal mafia email group? I was on bcc for MONTHS on that thing [teapot emoji] With that information in mind, don’t you think in a “civilized society” one should embrace paying our fair share of tax? Don’t pick on Bernie. It’s Kendall Roy shit.”
The str8, male, PayPal mafia email group couldn’t even use Venmo, the socially acceptable money-exchange platform? It’s clear they are trying to avoid detection from the masses. You’re probably dying to find out what Elon’s gang is hiding, so here is one theory on what is really going on:
Elon didn’t just create Space X because he likes stars. It’s actually an elaborate ploy to dump all of his and his buddies’ enemies into the never-ending void of the universe. When Elon said to Bernie “I keep forgetting you’re still alive,” what he really meant was, “I thought we ejected you into space.” One of the mafia members actually tried to shoot Courtney into the cosmos as well but accidentally sent her hit email straight to the grunge queen herself. Rookie move. While Courtney was in the bccs for months, she uncovered another secret.
The earth-ejects don’t just float around in the galaxy. Elon and his goonies have already colonized an undetected planet, which they use to run their social experiment: uncivilized society. This is where the earth-ejects roam. None of them is allowed to pay taxes or make any purchases other than to Jeff Bezos. (Yes, somehow Amazon Space is faster than Prime.) There is only one religion in uncivilized society, and that is Kendall Roy. Every day, its citizens are required to watch at least three episodes of Succession to adhere to the correct values of their new planet. Courtney, we think it’s time to release the emails. #freeuncivilizedsociety.