Literally all that matters today is that Rihanna is pregnant with her first child. She didn’t announce it in the way we would have expected (a star appearing in the sky to alert shepherds and wise men that royalty is about to be born), but with a gorgeous photo shoot in Harlem. In the photos, Rih is holding hands with dad-to-be A$AP Rocky and exposing her stomach through her unbuttoned hot-pink winter coat (archival 1996 Chanel, thank you very much). We already reported the news, but we had to talk about the most New York baby announcement since Cardi B on Saturday Night Live.
Just one thing: The photos … they’re expensive. Like, “someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this” expensive. Not that we’re surprised. Photos of celebabies are notoriously costly, but in this case, the baby isn’t even pictured; just the tum. And it’s not an exclusive or anything, just a Shutterstock download. Stans that we are, we caved and very frugally bought only one of the many photos in the shoot.
It was $1,500.
Honestly? Not as bad as we thought. Kind of a steal, really. We would have guessed the first photo of one of the world’s biggest stars’ pregnancies would cost at least as much as the average rent for a Brooklyn one-bedroom. Or as much as one of Paris Hilton’s NFTs. $1,500 is chill, and we will journalistically justify the expense by saying it’s for a Valentine’s Day gift guide: For the truly special Rihanna fan in your life, why not skip the Savage x Fenty lingerie and buy them a Shutterstock photo of her pregnancy for fifteen hundred American dollars? Yes, it’s lavish, but it’s what mini-RiRi deserves. This baby isn’t even born yet, and it’s already saying, “Bitch Better Have My Money.”