super bowl lvi

America’s Sweethearts Love Amazon, and More 2022 Super Bowl Commercials

Do Super Bowl commercials still matter when you can watch them days before the Super Bowl? The answer is that none of it mattered in the first place! Super Bowl LVI takes place this Sunday, February 13, between the Los Angeles Rams and the Cincinnati Bengals, but you can watch many of the NBC broadcast’s commercials now if you’re just dying to see Colin Jost and Scarlett Johansson bicker with an Amazon Echo. It’s what the love of the game is all about. Here are the celebrity commercials that are out so far, so you only have to watch the halftime show starring Mary J. Blige, Dr. Dre, Kendrick Lamar, Eminem, and Snoop Dogg.

Amazon Alexa is ScarJost’s third

The Super Bowl is the rare sort of live event that still brings the country together, as it is usually the most-watched television program of any given year. What are two other things that everyone in the country can agree upon loving? Colin Jost and the megacorporation Amazon, of course. In this commercial for the company’s Alexa software, married white couple Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost imagine life if their Echo devices invaded their privacy. It’s funny because it’s true?

Chloe Zhao lands the Budweiser Clydesdale gig

Chloe Zhao went from directing The Rider to this! Our only complaint is the rancher should’ve been played by beloved Eternals movie star Kingo.

LOL, imagine Lindsay Lohan working out at a Planet Fitness

The premise here is that Lindsay Lohan has her shit together now that she goes to Planet Fitness. Dennis Rodman, Danny Trejo, William Shatner, and Jeopardy! great Buzzy Cohen all make cameos in the 30-second ad.

Zendaya shills Squarespace by the seashore

André 3000 narrates this cute Squarespace ad starring Zendaya on what looks like the “Solar Power” beach. It’s not trying to be very clever, which is refreshing, and it’s got pleasant graphics, directed by Edgar Wright. You have to laugh at the shot of her seashell business website with links like “Shop Spiny Conch Shells - BUY NOW.” Way to make your product seem vital.

Bud Light Seltzer goes Triple D

In early 2010, there was a spate of news stories about “Avatar Syndrome,” a condition where filmgoers sunk into clinical depression because the world of Avatar was not a real place they could actually visit or live. This is how I feel having seen this commercial for Bud Light Seltzer Hard Soda, which imagines “Flavortown” as a utopia where Guy Fieri presides as mayor. Also, they’re making hard cola now?

Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd eat chips

I have watched this commercial twice and can’t tell if Rogen’s boutonniere is a flower made of Lay’s or just a chip-colored flower. The answer to this will determine whether I think this ad is good or not.

Pete Davidson spotted with mayonnaise

Pete Davidson and his mom spread it on thick for a Hellmann’s ad where linebacker Jerod Mayo tackles people to stop food waste.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Salma Hayek are Zeus and Hera for BMW

Better than Eternals.

Snoop and Martha do their shtick for Bic

Che Diaz wrote this.

Trevor Noah Uber Eats deodorant

They want you to know you can use Uber Eats for nonedible stuff. A disclaimer at the bottom reads “Prop food. Do not eat deodorant.”

Cousin Greg drinks detergent

Nicholas Braun, Jennifer Coolidge, and Gwyneth Paltrow all get non-edible items delivered through Uber Eats and try to eat them.

Men for Pepsi

I don’t know who any of these sportsmen are. They sing along to “Good 4 U” by Olivia Rodrigo because Pepsi can afford it.

Celestial Kenny G for Busch Light

Falls into the school of ad-making that’s just like, “LOL, isn’t this random?” Which at this point is almost a vintage aesthetic in itself.

Willie Nelson says legalize Skechers

Two Willie Nelson ads for Skechers, one funny (he says “legalize Skechers” and thinks they’re so comfy that they must be illegal to wear “to a concert”) and one insipid (people singing “On the Road Again” while lacing up their Skechers).

Ty Burrell’s waiting for it, that Greenlight, he wants it

If you’re an ad for an app that teaches people financial literacy, I guess it makes sense to model prudence by only buying a 15-second ad.

Kevin Hart is in the (Sam’s) club

Kevin Hart tells entry-wage Walmart corporation employees that he’s so rich, his stunt double has a stunt double.

DJ Khaled literally just sits there for Quickbooks

This ad was really confusingly edited; I didn’t really know what was going on.

You just know Doja Cat eats Taco Bell for real

Doja Cat breaks out of sad-clown school, where “the ice-cream machine is still broken” and lunch looks an awful lot like a plain McDonald’s hamburger.

Eugene Levy kind of has a Keanu Reeves thing going in this Nissan spot

“Wouldn’t it be funny if Eugene Levy drove a fast car?” is what Nissan wants to know, and the answer is … well, not funny ha-ha but cute, sure. Brie Larson, Danai Gurira, Dave Bautista, and Catherine O’Hara co-star.

Idris Elba can sell literally anything

He can even sell a joke where he calls “lit — as in literal.”

Miley Cyrus and Dolly Parton raise awareness …

… about how shitty your non–T-Mobile phone is. Shady! Very funny concept done well.

Zach Braff and Donald Faison Pull a Zegler

The best buddies sing an “I Feel Pretty” parody about their T-Mobile home internet.

Dr. Evil cares about carbon emissions

Mike Meyers revives Dr. Evil, his henchwoman Frau, his No. 2 (Rob Lowe), and his son, Scott (Seth Green), for GM’s electric-vehicles division.

Verizon is ruining The Cable Guy’s business

First Mike Meyers does Dr. Evil, now Jim Carrey brings back The Cable Guy. Makes us miss Carrey making funny movies.

Joneses and a Jonas drive around in trucks

There’s not really a joke there in this Toyota ad, just Rashida Jones, Leslie Jones, Tommy Lee Jones, and Joe Jonas.

Serena Williams works out, is inspiring

Tonal is another very expensive at-home screen-enabled exercise system.

Larry David, not you too!

Larry David is hilarious in this ad for cryptocurrency exchange FTX. It’s a shame this is what it’s for. The ad is called “Don’t Miss Out,” which really sums up crypto’s LulaRoe approach to getting people to transfer their money into a less stable, corruption-filled, not very useful (outside of the dark web) alternate currency on FOMO and vibes alone. Early adopters and those with millions in holdings stand for their investments to grow in value by convincing people that they’re missing out on a gold rush if they don’t put their money into crypto ASAP. This ad likens denying crypto in 2022 to Luddites in the past denying all kinds of new inventions. The difference is those inventions were real solutions to real problems, not just a financial-speculation house of straw. Do better, Larry!

Ken Jeong and Joel McHale nut

Planters is trying to make “one or all” happen. Like different Oreo-eating styles but dumber.

Anna Kendrick makes Barbie take out a Rocket Mortgage on her dream home

Very! Good! Ad!

Caesars Sportsbook

They really got Halle Berry and used her for one second. Other than that, JB Smoove has quarterbacks over for dinner.

Mary J. Blige gets a checkup

Mary J. Blige goes to the doctor in this spot for women’s health-screening group Hologic.

Chevy recreates The Sopranos theme song

This is a great concept for a car commercial: Just recreate The Sopranos opening with your car instead. And with Meadow and AJ.

Michelob Ultra does Big Lebowski

No amount of celebrities (Steve Buscemi, Serena Williams) can make this un-boring.

Ewan McGregor says trips > things

Ewan McGregor narrates this Expedia ad about how experiences are better than stuff and has a good throwaway gag about Budweiser commercials.

Hannah Waddingham is a Bond villain

Now that Rakuten has spoken this into existence, it must happen for real.

Congrats to These Celebs on That Super Bowl Ad Money