It must be sad to be an actor and not get to keep your prosthetic penis at the end of a movie or television shoot. It’s like losing a part of you — a fake part of you, but still. That fake ween, that fool’s willy, was there for you at your most vulnerable, like an emotional-support dachshund. You went through some shit together. So we’re shedding a single tear to hear that Simon Rex “wasn’t allowed” to keep his artificial schlong after filming Sean Baker’s Red Rocket. “I don’t think that was an option, but it will be in a museum one day,” Rex told People. The magazine suggests that it can go to that new Academy Museum of Motion Pictures that Laura Dern was hard-selling in 2020, and Rex said, “I like that idea.” But why settle for donating it to the very same Academy that snubbed his performance? Think big. Think Magnum. Let Simon Rex hang his fake dong in the Louvre.