auteur theory

We Have Not Transcendentally Meditated a New David Lynch Film Into Existence

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP/Shutterstock

Update, April 12 at 5:25 p.m.: We haven’t been this disappointed since it took 13 episodes for Sherilyn Fenn to show up in Twin Peaks: The Return. David Lynch has refuted Variety’s report that he would be making a grand return to cinema with a secret movie at the Cannes Film Festival, telling Entertainment Weekly that the “rumor” is unfounded. “It is not happening,” he explained. “I don’t have a project. I have nothing at Cannes. It’s unfortunate. It got built up that people thought, Oh, that’d be nice. But there is something new, but it’s not mine. I don’t know whose it is. They say there’s something new at Cannes, and they don’t say whose it is, and some people thought it was my film, but it’s not. So we’ll wait and see and see whose it is.” Well, shit.

Original story follows.

I’M SORRY, BUT IF YOU’RE NOT SHOUTING LIKE GORDON COLE ABOUT THIS EXCITING DEVELOPMENT, THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? Coiffed auteur David Lynch has reportedly written and directed a new film in total secrecy, according to Variety, and it’s set to debut in a few weeks’ time at the Cannes Film Festival. REALLY WEIRD STUFF! Nothing is known about his next cinematic opus, with Variety offering intel from only “two well-informed sources” that Laura Dern will be appearing “either as a cameo or a supporting role” alongside “some other Lynch regulars.” (Blink twice if Angelo Badalamenti is doing the score.) The last feature film Lynch helmed was 2006’s experimental Inland Empire, for which he famously launched an Oscars campaign for Dern by renting a cow and smoking next to a billboard on an L.A. street. He returned in 2017 with the terrifyingly surreal Twin Peaks: The Return, one of the greatest television shows in the history of the medium. As much as we love his burgeoning YouTube channel, we’re honored to say at long last: It is happening again.

We Did Not Manifest a New David Lynch Film Into Existence