Update, April 14: It seems like Elon Musk isn’t happy owning a mere 9.2 percent of Twitter. Per Reuters, Musk sent a letter to Twitter’s board on Wednesday, April 13. “Twitter has extraordinary potential,” he said supervillainously. “I will unlock it.” What a great business mind Musk is, that his keen eye can scope out potential in … one of the Internet’s largest platforms. Then on Thursday, April 14, Musk gave Twitter a $43 billion cash offer to buy out the whole enterprise at an approximately 38 percent premium. There goes the neighborhood.
Update, April 10 at 9:02 p.m.: Ok never mind! Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal announced (on Twitter, natch) that Elon Musk is not, in fact, going to be on the Board of Twitter. But that doesn’t mean that Twitter and Musk don’t love you very much. “I believe this is for the best. We have and will always value input from our shareholders whether they are on our Board or not,” he wrote. “Elon is our biggest shareholder and we will remain open to his input.”
Original story follows.
Getting onto Twitter’s board of directors is apparently easier than getting into Berghain. On April 4, twerpy robber baron Elon Musk announced that he had purchased 9.2% of Twitter, and the next day he was added to the site’s board “to make significant improvements to Twitter in coming months.” Deranged! The news arrived two weeks after Musk opened something called a “gigafactory” (Plankton vibes, but okay) in Brandenburg, just outside of Berlin. To celebrate, Musk did what any respectable ex-partner of Grimes would do: He got in line for Berghain. But according to an investigative report by Vice writer Zing Tsjeng, it looks as though Musk got turned away at the door of the famously choosy nightclub. Around 4 a.m. Berlin time on Sunday, April 3, Musk tweeted, “They wrote PEACE on the wall at Berghain! I refused enter.” From the exclamation point to the mangled grammar to the ego-saving bald-faced lie of it all, this tweet reads like something from a 2018 Twitter parody account called “@TrumpKunst.”
Musk followed with a quote from high-school English class. He really thought he was doing something here.
One clubgoer from that night, who goes by the username KaspersLunita, posted to the r/Berlin sub-Reddit to say they saw the father of literally eight get turned away at the door by the bouncer.
Eliott Litrowski, a DJ who was performing at the club when Musk showed up, commented on a @BerlinClubMemes Instagram post that he was “happy he did not make it!” Considering Berghain’s historical place in Berlin’s queer nightlife, and considering Musk’s history of tweeting transphobic memes, we’re also happy he did not make it. You can buy almost a tenth of all of Twitter, but it doesn’t make your tweets less insufferable.