The Northman subway posters seem to have everything: a muddy, blood-soaked Alexander Skarsgård, Nicole Kidman, no less than three Robert Eggers name drops, and a threatening “Conquer Your Fate” tagline. The only thing missing? The movie’s title. For fans of Robert Eggers, this is clearly a poster for The Northman, a Viking epic. For literally anyone else, it’s, um, that girl from Queen’s Gambit and Tarzan? Isaac Butler posted the ad on Monday in a now-viral Tweet, joking that someone at Focus Features was having a bad day. As more people started to spot the posters at various subway stations around New York, Twitter users began writing their own titles, including “Flintstones 2: Bad Day in Bedrock.” Only a few hours into the fun, the posters started to disappear. At the Bergen Street subway station, an MTA worker had stripped the ad board by Monday evening, leaving nothing but a sliver of Anya Taylor-Joy’s face as evidence. Thankfully, Greenpoint Avenue was slower to remove their copy of the ad. Vulture asked eight subway commuters to guess the plot of The Northman — which centers around a Viking prince avenging his father’s death — based on its completely untitled poster, and grouped their guesses below based on plausibility. Some of these folks need to get jobs in film development pronto.
Not even remotely close
“Like Waterworld 2 or something. Postapocalyptic, but it’s tribal, so it kind of has this vibe from Neanderthal, Viking eras. But maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s like Atlantis or something. There’s definitely war and some colonial objectives.”
Perhaps the most liberal-arts take on the poster. The Northman isn’t set underwater. But maybe it should be?
“Something Game of Thrones–y. Like Conan the Barbarian. Some guy in medieval … I don’t know. Oh, Beowulf! That’s what it looks like.”
Beowulf was already made into a film in 2007 starring Angelina Jolie and Anthony Hopkins. But what it really needed was Skarsgård throwing it down with Grendel in a mud bath.
“I didn’t watch this movie yet, and I didn’t actually hear about it. Oh, with Nicole Kidman! Oh my God. I saw her on the Oscars!”
One sweet lady was just happy to see that Nicole Kidman stays working. Us too.
So close but no dice
“They got some pretty long hair and scary beards, so maybe it’s a Viking movie.”
Either that or yet another Mötley Crüe biopic.
“Following the Vikings invading. I have no idea, though.”
This guy was so, so close but let his self-doubt get in the way.
“A war, or something that has to do with violence and battle. The headbands and the shields — this guy has blood on him. He looks like he just fought.”
Read this one in a skater voice.
“Vikings? Vikings who are going through a really tough time.”
Might be an understatement.
“I mean, it’s for The Northman, right? I recognized Robert Eggers.”
This couple gets it. No one else may have learned what the film is called, but at least they know that “acclaimed director Robert Eggers” also wrote the script.