Of all the energies in this world — big dick, wine mom, force fields, dark magics — celebrities getting baited into responding to trolls and normies is one of the most unsettling. Doubly so when the celebrity is Drake. On May 3, the great Canadian menace got trolled in the comments section of an Instagram post by NBA shooting coach Chris Matthews about supportive basketball dads. Drake commented, writing, “I know I’mma be this way even if my son is in a rubix cube competition,” and random Instagram user @ceddybo_ybagnm replied, “@champagnepapi ya son prolly play with ghost writers.” This is pretty tame as far as Drake drags go, and it’s not like he was questioning 4-year-old Adonis’s ability to solve a Rubik’s Cube (I mean, the kid already speaks French). He was just speculating that Drake probably has more ghostwriters in his house than nannies.
Drake replied, “just followed your girl cause she’s prob miserable and needs some excitement in her life,” and sure enough, he followed @ceddybo_ybagnm’s wife Toni Bowden and DM’d her five words: “I’m here for u ma.” Sir! This is not a celebrity feud; this is some guy with two kids and a dog who posts pictures of him and his wife in matching pajamas on Christmas! (Okay, that last detail is in fact Drake levels of corny.) U can’t be here for some stranger’s ma! If this sets a precedent, then we could see a wave of “I’m here for u ma”–style DMs from some of our most toxic entertainers. “I’m here for u ma” takes an ego that is both massive enough to slide into your heckler’s wife’s DMs and yet fragile enough to feel the need to react at all. It’s sort of like a reverse-Northman situation. Instead of the prodigal son saying, “Avenge father. Save mother. Kill Fjolnir,” it’s Drake saying, “Avenge son. Save wife (from miserable and unexciting life). Kill this guy’s mentions.” Ceddy Bo, for his part, is already selling T-shirts of the DM with a fake OVO logo on the back. Now Drake just needs to collab with bestie Taylor on a Lover-era, “I Forgot That You Existed”–style “I’m Here for U Ma” diss track.