it's quiet ain't no back talk

Who Dares Talk Back to Patti LuPone at a Patti LuPone Talk-back?

Photo: Robbie Jack/Corbis via Getty Images

Cells off, masks up, that’s the way we like to … enjoy a night out at the theater. But when audiences break the rules, Patti LuPone breaks the fourth wall to dole out righteous diva justice. And Broadway in the time of COVID-19 has brought about a whole new slew of etiquette no-nos for LuPone to deal with. Having only just recovered from a floral air strike in March, LuPone had to instruct a doltish audience member to put their mask on their face during a May 10 talk-back after a performance of Company. “Put your mask over your nose, that’s why you’re in the theater,” she can be heard saying in a stage yell in a phone recording posted to Twitter. “That is the rule. If you don’t want to follow the rule, get the fuck out!” The audience applauds. “Who do you think you are, that you do not respect the people sitting around you?” Patti asks rhetorically, but of course this dingus replies, “I pay your salary.”

Oh sure, Mary, I bet your $98 TKTS purchase really keeps Patti in house and home. “You pay my salary?” LuPone asks. “Bullshit. Chris Harper pays my salary. Who do you think you are?” The CDC should be paying her to do PSAs where she screams at people by now. “Look into their eyes and you’ll see what they know / Everybody diiiieeees” is effective pandemic messaging.

Who Dares Talk Back to Patti LuPone at a LuPone Talk-back?