crypto bros

Eminem and Snoop Dogg, Bored Ape NFT Evangelists, Drop a Stoner Song

Not since that one guy kidnapped a Bored Ape NFT named Fred have I been so perplexed and thoroughly fascinated by the possibilities of the crypto frontier. Fred gave us our first highly publicized criminal NFT-kidnapping case with real bearing in the world — until NFT TV show revolutionary Seth Green got his stolen digital child NFT back. Now Eminem and Snoop Dogg are giving the Fred saga a run for its bitcoins. For their new collaboration “From the D 2 the LBC,” the rappers dropped a music video that reads like an extended Super Bowl commercial for the Bored Ape Yacht Club. Both Snoop and Eminem are members of the club, with the former releasing an EDM single called “BAYC” about the venture earlier this year that sounds like a tourist club in Prague.

The new single extols the virtues of smoking weed — so much weed, in fact, that they turn into the animated primates during a recording-studio smoke session. The music video, directed by James Larese, is supposed to be hallucinogenic and cool in the same way I thought reblogging Tumblr photos of people blowing smoke rings was delicate and artistic in 2011. But what this collab has given us the most are Pinterest stoner lyrics retrofitted for this single by two rich rappers who have nothing to lose and NFTs to sell. Feast your eyes on these bars from Eminem, paying particular attention to the ad-libs in parentheses:

Always got that bomb weed (That’s why)

I feel a calm breeze (Yeah)

Every time I palm trees (Get it?), just like that blonde bleach

Every time I palm trees. Get it?

And that is some strong green (Strong green)

Gotta contact, my contact lenses are foggy

I might end up in Walgreens (Yeah) pharmacy

They should head to CVS instead — if you have the ExtraCare subscription, you get 20 percent off all CVS Health brand items. That goes for redness-relieving eye drops too. #NotAnAd.

’Cause dope is addictive, just like they call it mari-ju-ana

’Cause like marriage, you wanna marry Jane

Whenever I see the phrase “marry Jane,” I think of “Mary Jane,” the Rick James song. When I was singing it in the backseat of my mom’s white minivan in like 2001, I didn’t know I was talking about pot. (I was 5.)

So put your doobies high if you reside in 213, let’s see them blunts raised (Brr)

Whether you east side or west side of the 313, let’s see them guns blaze

I’m glad I reside in neither of those area codes because this is most definitely my nightmare blunt rotation. Brr.

Anyway, the Snoop Dogg part is just as corny, if not as stoner-y, as Eminem’s bars (we can be generous and call them bars today!) — I guess they wanted to turn the tables, subvert our expectations, and all that. There is one notable line from Snoop that is worth mentioning: “Mom all mad, kids all sad; damn, my bad.” Mom all mad, kids all sad; damn, my bad. It has the same energy as the “I’m not a rapper” rapper from the YouTube parody Supa Hot Fire — The Rap Battle Parody, which was my favorite video in middle school. Anyway, it makes sense that Eminem and Snoop Dogg would team up for an NFT-inspired music video of a laughably corny song full of throwbacks to my youth. The crypto market is bottoming out, and their best bet is to sell those digital tokens to people who probably used to pin stoner quotes to their Pinterest boards.

Eminem and Snoop Dogg, Bored Ape NFT Connoisseurs, Drop Song