And now in the category of Things That Will Teach You If a Celebrity Is Funny in Real Life, team names for the celebrity pickleball tournament, Pickled, have been announced. Pairings include Kelly Rowland and Murray Bartlett (as Dink Floyd), Tig Notaro and “Mystery Player” (as Party ’Til You Cuke), June Diane Raphael and Paul Scheer (as the Paddle Snakes), Jaime Camil and Aisha Tyler (as Take This Lob and Shove It), Sugar Ray Leonard and Emma Watson (as the Volley Ranchers), Luis Guzmán and Daniel Dae Kim (as Daniel Dae Luis), Jimmie Allen and Max Greenfield (as Dill-I-Am), and Dierks Bentley and Phil Keoghan (as When Harry Net Rally). As for where we’re placing our bets: Daniel Dae Luis to win (based on the fact that it’s the best name), Dink Floyd as a top-two contender as the hottest pairing, and Dill-I-Am gets a shout-out based on pure athleticism.
The two-hour pickleball special airs on CBS starting at 9 p.m. ET on Thursday, November 17, and will stream on Paramount+. The whole shabang is led by host Stephen Colbert, who is apparently the sexiest man in pickleball (according to him) following his cover photo for InPickleball, a real pickleball magazine.
Because of Colbert’s contributions to the sport, participants will compete for the Colbert Cup. Unfortunately, that name is lazy and completely outshined by the unhinged team names, so we came up with some alternative suggestions for the dill-icious prize: the Bread & Better Than All the Other Players, the Big Dills, the Cuke-est Couple, the Best in Brine, the Antoinette Perry Award, the Kosher Classics, or, simply, the Pickled Pink Award.