Before we address anything else, I must acknowledge that my watch has come to an end. Since Natalie’s pet rat was introduced five episodes ago and forgotten, I have wondered what happened. Did Natalie eat it? Did it run away? This week, all questions surrounding Natalie’s pet rat are cleared up as we see Natalie make baby talk and play with the rat, rather than address her husband as she leaves him. It is truly one of the best scenes in 90 Day history.
Natalie takes a suitcase to Mike’s house and, with no warning, tells him she’s packing up her stuff and moving in with her friend (and secret lover?) Julia. Natalie doesn’t even try to have a conversation with Mike! She focuses all of her attention on her pet rat and just getting out of the situation. If anyone thought Natalie really loved Mike, I’m not sure how they can still believe that after watching her end the relationship so coldly. In fact, Julia shows more emotion and remorse than Natalie! Look, I’m a comedian. I’m constantly trying to come up with funny situations, and I’d never come up with anything as funny as Natalie’s bestie Julia trying to cheer Mike up after stealing his wife. “You will be fine, you have your cat” is honestly the best advice Mike could receive right now. That cat absolutely loves him more than Natalie ever did.
And so we say good-bye to Mike and Natalie (for now). I truly hope this is the end of their relationship and if we see either of them again, it’s only on Pillow Talk (I do want Natalie and Julia’s unhinged takes). Across the season, however, none of our couples ends on particularly good terms. The only couple made stronger this season is Libby and Andrei. Being forced to team up against the horror that is Libby’s family has made them fall even more in love. Andrei honestly looked like he would beat the shit out of anyone who touched Libby during his fight with Charlie.
Charlie is so awful that even Libby’s sisters take Andrei’s side when Charlie comes in immediately saying to call the cops. Charlie clearly shows up drunk and ready to fight. That being said, the entire situation was set up for drama. Chuck can cry and say he’s just trying to fix his family, but acting like any of these people can get along at this point is childish. He knew this was going to end in some kind of argument or conflict, so he only has himself to blame for not addressing each of his kids personally to clear things up. Like most of the Libby and Andrei drama this season, even this explosion feels manufactured.
It’s not like the organic family fights that follow Asuelu and Kalani. Asuelu and Kalani are two people who just can’t be on the same page. It’s like every time they’re almost on the same page, someone interests Asuelu in an entirely different book. Kalani is just trying to support the family she currently has and find a house now that her parents are kicking them out. Asuelu wants to have ten children and suddenly loves the idea of moving back to Samoa. I may not know Kalani personally, but I know there’s no way she’s moving to Samoa. Why would she want to move there when Asuelu’s mother clearly hates them? It also doesn’t help that Asuelu goes about this conversation by attacking Kalani and saying she isn’t a “real Samoan girl.” Even if Kalani and Asuelu are better united against his family, they don’t share the same values anymore.
If Asuelu wants a woman who will pop out as many children as he demands, Kalani is not the woman for him. It’s the same issue we see with Ronald and Tiffany. It doesn’t matter how much Ronald grows up or if he gets a better job if he can’t let go of his misogynistic mindset. Sure, Tiffany shouldn’t act so holier-than-thou and call her baby daddy embarrassing, but … well, Ronald is embarrassing! And that is on Tiffany because the red flags were there from the start! She just thought she could change him. Tiffany is better off without him, and Ronald will feel like an idiot when he realizes he isn’t involved in his daughter’s life because he refused to change some poopy diapers.
Tiffany and Ronald are done in my book. When Tiffany started laughing at that man, I saw a woman who was no longer invested. If you want to see a woman who is still desperately clinging to the hope that her man will change, take a look at Yara. As someone who has defended Yara and Jovi as this season’s One True Love, it hurts that I now want Yara to get as far away from Jovi as possible. Mrs. Gwen tries to blame Yara for agreeing to go to the strip club, but Yara explains that she wanted to make Jovi happy. She truly loves him and doesn’t like that he calls her old and boring! She tried to compromise for him, and he failed on his promise to leave when she wanted! Even Mrs. Gwen understood her motivation and realized her son was the problem.
Jovi doesn’t seem willing to compromise at all. He can’t even respect his mom when she gives him very obvious and good advice. Jovi doesn’t give Yara even a bit of understanding. If Jovi can’t understand that becoming a mother changes a person, Yara is better off without him. She doesn’t need a relationship with a man who’s just going to resent her for “stealing his fun.” Expecting Yara to be happy all the time is silly. At least I know Yara will stand by her word: If Jovi isn’t happy with her, Jovi can leave. There’s no drawn-out couples counseling, just the truth: Jovi needs to grow the fuck up, and Mylah needs a “happy momma.”
Angela finally fulfills her promise to Michael this week by going to an IVF clinic. Angela has told Michael that her daughter, Skylah, is willing to donate an egg. However, at this appointment, Skylah makes it clear: Angela is not gettin’ her egg. Even if Angela can get a donor, there’s a host of other possible medical issues, and the process is more expensive than any of the plastic surgery Angela wants. Skylah really only came to force Angela to face reality. It’s obvious that Angela has known this deep down, but if she really accepts this, it’s the end of her relationship with Michael. If she finally admits this to Michael, she loses all leverage in their relationship. Even though she ends things every other week, Michael has said he’s done for good if she can’t give him a kid. At this point, Angela is just manipulating Michael and stringing him along by concealing this truth.
With the season mostly done, we end things with only one couple in a good place: Andrei and Libby. I kind of always knew these two would band together to come out on top. No matter how annoying they get, they do love and support each other. I want to believe Jovi can get his act together, but I don’t think Yara deserves to get hurt in the process. And, well, Kalani and Asuelu, Tiffany and Ronald, and Brandon and Julia are all just ticking time bombs. At least this season gives us the end of Michael and Natalie.
90 Day Notes
• Next week is Part One of the Tell All, so this is the end of our regular recaps. The promo for the Tell All promises more truths from Mrs. Gwen, and Angela flashes her breasts! Personally, I can’t wait to see Shaun Robinson deal with the Kalani and Asuelu of it all.
• “You have your cat.” The sad way she patted Mike on the head. Absolutely perfect comedy.
• “And now my shirt is ripped when I came for a fucking pahrty” may be Andrei’s best line!
• I have no sympathy for Chuck. It was like he just kept putting his family in situations where they could fight: “Hey, guys, let’s get on a boat together,” “Hey, guys, let’s get in an RV together,” “Hey, guys, let’s have a barbecue.” Next, I’m sure he would have suggested a meeting in a UFC fighting cage or something.