It’s great that this season has mostly new couples, but it’s starting to feel as though things might’ve been a bit more interesting if we understood how some of these couples even came to exist. How have Yve and Mohamed been together for two years but Yve has no idea how a mosque works? They never had a single conversation about religion? Kobe and Emily knew they were having a kid together but they didn’t talk about parenting at all? A few episodes on Before the 90 Days would help a lot of these couples make sense.
The best example of this, obviously, is Bini and Ari. Once again, they are carrying an entire season on their backs with their drama. Bini seems like a terrified hostage who’s afraid to even look at another person. Last week, Ari was complaining that Bini needs to get a job and find things to do. This week, she has decided Bini actually needs to focus on being at home instead of training to be a MMA fighter. Obviously, Bini isn’t going to be an MMA star immediately. He isn’t hitting the road! He’s just taking lessons and doing amateur fights. These are all things he can schedule around his family! His trainer said he needs only two to four hours of training a day! That’s not even a real work shift!
Viewers know Ari and Bini’s history. That’s why it’s so wild when Ari goes off on a random woman Bini is training with! Bini is afraid to say anything if he sees a car he likes; that man is too afraid to cheat. He’d lose his son immediately. Ari has truly put the fear of God in him when it comes to all of that. What she doesn’t seem to realize is she’s created a marriage in which her husband is afraid to communicate with her at all. He can’t share his dreams or the basic activities of his day without Ari criticizing him.
The showdown between Ari and Random MMA Girl was everything I wanted. Ari looked like a fool attacking this girl for wearing eyelashes. Some people get extensions, Ari — they can’t take them off! Ari is just being led by her insecurity, and that’s why even Bini’s trainer stayed out of the mess! It was hilarious that no one even entertained Ari’s outburst, but Bini saw his entire life in America flash before his eyes.
This kind of backstory would help a couple like Jibri and Miona feel like an actual couple. I respect their attempt to slam in as much drama as they can, but it’s incredibly manufactured. The producers were clearly hyping up Daveed to bring up any argument he could find. Do I think Jibri and Daveed finishing their album will be good for Jibri and Miona’s relationship? Absolutely not. Daveed is right: That man needs to get a job. I feel like Miona would prefer Chicago to Rapid City, but these aren’t adults thinking about their future; these are two kids who got on the show for Instagram followers.
When it comes to Mohamed and Yve, I don’t even know how these two got together! Give me the Before the 90 Days footage on this relationship because what is going on? It’s as if they exist in two different relationships. Mohamed thinks Yve is on her way to becoming his perfect wife, while Yve thought Mohamed would just slide right into her way of doing things. Was their one vacation together so good that they assumed they didn’t need to have these conversations? Mohamed’s threats to return to Egypt feel empty since these people would be better separated. At least Yve has kept her kid out of their fights, but that household is tense.
Patrick and Thaís are in the same boat. Well, never mind — they are in their own Tesla making out when Patrick should have his eyes on the road. I don’t know why Thaís is so concerned about John’s presence when he’s not going to be a permanent fixture. She should at least see John as family! Patrick doesn’t seem concerned that Thaís is focused on furniture and the size of their house. Obviously, Pat and John threw some old furniture in their new place; why is Thaís in a rush to settle in? Thaís’s plan at the moment seems to be: Get Patrick pussywhipped, get rid of John, get married, and leave Patrick with all the money she can get. I did see a bit of a backbone in Patrick this week, though. I don’t think Patrick would let Thaís separate his brotherly love.
Then there’s Kobe and Emily, who don’t seem as though they’ve had a moment of peace together. Emily planned a whole night for them to fuck, but she apparently can’t sit down and have a conversation with this man? Obviously, it was wrong for Kobe to yell at Emily, but she was also telling him to shut up and yelling at him first! Kobe hit his boiling point but was at least able to apologize. Emily just laughed off what she did and pretended to be innocent, but she knew she wasn’t just talking to him in the stables.
With the men this season holding their own when it comes to being terrible, it’s kind of fun that Ari and Emily have teamed up to be awful. This season’s issues are less about clashing cultures and more about couples who just want to clash, but that only works when we believe in the couple. Ari and Bini still have the magic, and that’s the best part of “Get Off Your High Horse.”
90 Day Notes
• Jibri, you can have a beach wedding in Chicago. Lake Michigan is gorgeous. Also … how are you driving 900 miles on half a tank of gas?
• Miona restocked her instant-tan lotion!
• Shaeeda said, “Welcome to having a hijabi wife!” I love her! The couch was fine, Bilal. These two didn’t have much going on, but they’re turning into bickering roommates.
• Kobe, we can get you a ticket home. These people are not going to let you raise your son. Emily is treating you like a child.
• Patrick and Thaís gave us the worst Tesla commercial I’ve ever seen.
• Yve, how are you complaining about your fiancé’s religion to your friend? Think, girl!
• I am trying to defend John even with that cold sore.
• Ari, shine on, you crazy diamond. Why didn’t Ari just take that call in the car then go to the park? I want Melissa to fight Ari so bad.