It’s pretty clear at this point that Deb is the only person making progress this season. She’s leaving her controlling son behind, taking a chance on love, and moving to Canada! Sadly, Deb isn’t in this week’s episode, so we have to spend all of “Fee Fi Fo Fum” with the absolute disasters. If I was cheering for Tiffany and Veronica, I can’t say I am anymore! Meanwhile, Natalie and Tania finally admit they made the mistakes we all knew they made!
This week’s title comes from Natalie’s total fear of Mike’s mom, so let’s start there. Natalie is back in Sequim making big ol’ puppy dog eyes as she realizes leaving Mike was a mistake. Even though she was ready to force Josh to give her a baby, Natalie has now decided she’s absolutely fine with not having kids as long as Mike doesn’t pull her visa with divorce papers. Some people do want Mike and Natalie to get back together, but it’s so clear this is just a game to Natalie! She’s spent all season telling us what she wants from a partner and Mike is still not that man.
With his mom around, I am hoping she can knock some sense into Mike and keep him away from Natalie’s flirty glances. Mike still has the pet rat Natalie abandoned with him! I was shocked the rat was even still alive when Mike wanted to use it as bait originally! That’s a sign Mike probably still has feelings for Natalie, even if his dog ran in the opposite direction when Natalie tried to say hello. Listen to your mom, Mike! Listen to your dog, Mike! At least Natalie did admit it was all her fault.
Tiffany is the other gal taking 20 steps backward this episode. Despite her many dates, Tiffany has decided to go back to South Africa so Ronald can see their daughter. On the surface, this seems okay! Ronald should be involved in his daughter’s life. However, Ronald keeps pushing for them to have some kind of conversation. He swears they still love each other, but has he made any real changes? Is he still a misogynist who thinks changing a diaper is Tiffany’s job? Tiffany’s friend tries to talk some sense into her, but it seems as if Daniel is the only person who can get through to her. Is Daniel going on this trip? No. He doesn’t want to! Maybe that’s a sign, Tiffany! Ronald doesn’t deserve you and he’ll never come to America for his kid.
At least I can understand Tiffany wanting to have a relationship with her baby daddy. As for Tania and her still-married mess, she finally gets called out by friends she actually listens to. Even though multiple partners have asked her why she’s dating when she’s still married, these friends finally get her to admit she still has feelings for Syngin. Sure, she feels divorced physically and mentally, but she refuses to go forward with an actual divorce. I could understand if Tania were worried about Syngin’s visa status, but that isn’t the case. Also … if Tania didn’t care about paperwork, why get paperwork-married anyway? Her friend is right: She wants to hold on.
Tania decides to do a cleansing ceremony, and it feels as if this is probably where the season should’ve started for her! We know she still has feelings for Syngin — why did we waste all this time watching her bring vibrators on dates? Go heal, Tania. I’m sure we’ll see you next season.
Tim and Veronica make up the rest of the episode, and they’re very boring! They decide to go to one of those places where you pay to break things from anger. If I thought Veronica had any real feelings for the guy she went on four dates with, I’d feel bad for her. It’s just obviously manufactured drama so she can use the breakup to fight with Tim. Apparently, Tim and Veronica have a marriage pact. This is news to Tim, who seems to think they were mostly joking. Veronica is upset because Tim took too much space when she told him to take space! Apparently, she just didn’t want him turning up at her place when she was on a date, not a full dissolution. That’s fair, but it’s also something Veronica could’ve voiced earlier rather than after Justin dumped her. Whatever — they’re the fakest couple after Caesar and Alonna, so what can we do?
At least this episode tells us all we were right about Tania, Tiffany, Veronica, and Natalie. I have to appreciate this episode for giving us a lady-powered mess. Caesar seems as if he has it more together than the ladies at this point. Debbie is back next week, and I hope they throw a parade when she finally leaves Colt in the past.
90 Day Notes
• Tiffany, you do not need to update a man you went on one date with that you’re probably getting back with your ex. Just leave that man alone!
• I guess it would be funny to see Natalie break up with Josh since he most likely will not care. Natalie truly realized a guy who lives in the middle of nowhere and loves you is better than a guy in L.A. who doesn’t care if you disappear with your ex. That was also the most manipulative hug I’ve ever seen, Natalie! Mike, she ditched you for Miami! There’s no proper apology for your wife leaving you.
• Also Natalie offering to move to Sequim sounds so fake. There’s no way she’ll live with Mike’s mom.
• Sure, Tania, you just need some sage and you’re good to get over your marriage. Best of luck!
• Tim and Veronica need to go back to Pillow Talk. They aren’t needed here!
