Hey, somebody (aside from Brady, praise be) is finally having sex on this revival of Sex and the City! And like a horny edition of Clue: It’s Miranda Hobbes! In Carrie’s kitchen! With Che and tequila! And just how did this hookup come to pass? It all has to do with Carrie’s hip. She’s in her 50s, remember??
Carrie’s busy palling around town with her new best friend Seema when she brings her over to see her apartment. Unfortunately, Carrie can’t make it up the steps without the help of an umbrella turned cane. She’s diagnosed herself with “old lady back” and insists she’ll be fine. Seema says, no way, not today, friend. And then she calls up her cousin, who is an orthopedic surgeon, and gets her an appointment to see him within the hour. Everyone needs a friend like Seema: She has a direct line to orthopedic surgeons, can get a crew to come in and fix water stains on your ceiling within 24 hours, and can wear head-to-toe satin outfits (does she put on a bib to eat? I, a peasant person, have so many questions about this). She’s great.
Carrie learns that she does not, in fact, have “old lady back” but rather a congenital hip defect, and she’ll need surgery to correct it. She’s scared to do it alone — as if that was ever an option. Carrie barely schedules the surgery and Charlotte already has a spreadsheet ready so that she, Miranda, or Anthony will be with Carrie around the clock as needed as she recovers. Really, the only thing she has to worry about at this point is the fact that she can’t wear heels for a few months — the truest of hardships for Carrie Bradshaw.
After surgery, clad in her pearls and a sensible cardigan, Carrie is already flanked by Charlotte and Miranda. While Charlotte’s off helping Carrie pee — a job it seems she was born for — Miranda fields a call from Che, who is at the hospital to visit Carrie. Miranda tells them to come right up but is immediately informed by Carrie, still on the toilet, that that is a terrible idea. And so, Miranda and Che wind up eating lunch together in the hospital cafeteria, where Che opens up about feeling trapped for most of their life and how freeing it was to finally be themselves. Miranda knows a little bit about feeling trapped — it’s why she left her law firm — but you can see she is feeling inspired by Che to apply that idea to other aspects of her life.
She certainly seems inspired a few days later when Che shows up at Carrie’s apartment to drop off a professional mic (for the at-home podcasting, you see) and a bottle of tequila. Carrie is passed out thanks to her painkillers, so Miranda is the one to greet Che at the door (after some primping in the bathroom) and take them up on their suggestion of tequila shots. Well, one shot turns into several and things are getting flirty in that kitchen. So flirty that Miranda asks Che to shotgun their joint again. It doesn’t take long for that shotgun to turn into a full-on make-out session nor much longer for that make-out session to turn into Che giving Miranda the best orgasm of her life. That’s a really efficient afternoon right there, folks.
Unfortunately, Che and Miranda’s (poor) attempts to keep things quiet so Carrie doesn’t wake up are all for naught. Carrie wakes up in the middle of everything, catches the full show in the reflection of her mirror, and is left to wait it out. And then she has to pee. Since the person who’s supposed to be helping her to the bathroom is otherwise indisposed, Carrie ends up peeing in a Snapple bottle — which she immediately proceeds to spill on her sheets anyway. It seems super-fun and exactly how Carrie hoped her recovery would go.
Needless to say, once Che leaves, Carrie and Miranda have it out. Miranda blames it on the tequila, which leads us to the first time Carrie actually takes Charlotte’s hunch that Miranda might have a drinking problem seriously. Miranda tries to explain that yes, she started drinking too much during the pandemic, but if it were a real problem, she would know it and she would stop immediately. Carrie also points out that Miranda, who just had sex in her kitchen, is married. I mean, that’s rich coming from this woman, but we’ll allow it since Carrie is coming out of her painkiller-induced haze and is also covered in her own urine. We’ll also allow it because it is what leads to Miranda finally letting go of so many things she had bottled up: She is unhappy. She’s unhappy in her marriage and life, and none of it is enough for her anymore. And what just happened with Che? “I’ve never felt like that in my life,” Miranda says to her friend. That is some real truth-telling right there.
Back home, Miranda, still giddy from her time with Che, listens to Che’s podcast and makes herself a drink. And then, thanks to a timely email from Amazon, Miranda realizes she drunk-bought herself a book about quitting drinking and doesn’t even remember it. So it seems that Miranda did realize her drinking was becoming a problem, she just didn’t remember that realization. If that’s not a sign there’s an issue, I don’t know what is! Miranda promptly pours all of her alcohol down the drain, which, I guess, is how you “quit like a woman” or whatever. We’ll see if it’s that easy — especially once she tells Steve about her extramarital activities.
Aside from Miranda and Che, another pairing takes a big step forward in their relationship: Carrie and Samantha. After her surgery, Carrie decides to record her podcast while hopped up on painkillers because podcasting is life, you know? During the recording, she tells the story of when her friend, Samantha Jones, had to help get her diaphragm out of her vagina (season two, episode six, if you’re curious). And yes, she says Samantha’s full name. Charlotte, who watches the whole thing, tells Carrie that she might want to think about at least giving Samantha a warning. At first Carrie is all, “my vagina, my story” about it, but later decides to shoot her ex-friend a text. It doesn’t take long for Samantha to respond — her first text back to Carrie in who knows how long — with “one of my finest hours,” and she tells Carrie that she’s glad her “vagina is getting some airtime.” When Carrie follows up with an “I miss you,” she winds up getting the dreaded three dots that eventually go away without another text. Carrie pushed too hard, it seems. But at least it’s progress, right? Still, where is this story line going without Kim Cattrall being onboard with this revival? An impromptu trip to London to end the finale, perhaps?
This and That
• Charlotte and Harry learn that Rose has asked to be called Rock and started to use they/them pronouns at school without telling their parents about it (Charlotte and Harry missed the TikTok announcement). They’re both put off by the fact that everyone at school knew about this before they did, but mostly Charlotte, who is still riddled with angst over doing the wrong thing, thinks it best if they simply listen to their child and go from there.
• Dang, Carrie is really getting tossed around by some hot men in this episode. First, Anthony loans out a hot fella from Hot Fellas Bread to carry Carrie up her stairs upon returning from the hospital (should Hot Fellas Bread permanently branch out? There’s a market for this!!). Then, she pays out-of-pocket just to keep seeing her hot physical therapist Travis. I mean, the guy does good work, I guess: By the end of the episode, it’s three months later and Carrie is finally back in a pair of heels.
• Wait … when Carrie is ready to date, she should totally call Dr. Patel, right?? He’s handsome, funny, and has seen her actual bones — a dream man!
• An extra-sturdy Charlotte carrying Carrie to the bathroom and telling her that she read you should be able to lift your heaviest child in case of emergency and then exclaiming, “I’ve been doing burpees!” is so Charlotte it hurts.