So this is what’s happening? This is how we’re doing this? Miranda is just blowing up her life and running from the wreckage to go get her fairy-tale ending, and (1) we don’t even get to see the moment that last week’s episode was all leading up to, and (2) there are literally zero consequences here? Things are just proceeding as normal. We don’t know exactly how soon the events of “No Strings Attached” take place after Miranda asks Steve for a divorce, but it certainly seems a little too soon for Steve and Brady to stroll into Miranda’s women’s shelter volunteer event and be so well adjusted, doesn’t it? We don’t even get some sort of family meeting with Brady? Yes, that’s the point I’m at with this show — I am asking for Brady’s opinion on things. It is the very lowest point, admittedly. I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised since this is the same show that gave Miranda a drinking problem for a few episodes, had her quit cold turkey, and never mentions it again. I’m not one to wish for my characters to suffer, but where are the consequences? Or, at least, some acknowledgment that these things are hard and it doesn’t always work out so perfectly. Who knows, maybe next week’s finale will just be littered with consequences. I doubt it, but a girl can dream.
Only time will tell on that front, but Miranda and Che are doing great for now! I mean, I think they are doing great — it’s all very confusing. Last week, Che told Miranda that they were in love with her and the two seemingly had a big romantic reunion in Cleveland — not one single person mentions Cleveland — and this week when Miranda shows up at Che’s door trying to be spontaneous, they are immediately put off that she’s interrupting their writing time. Che makes sure to remind Miranda that this isn’t a regular relationship and they shouldn’t be beholden to “relationship tropes,” which honestly sounds like phrasing a person who doesn’t want to commit but doesn’t want to seem like they aren’t into commitment would use. According to Che, Miranda isn’t their girlfriend. They aren’t even dating. They are just “getting to know each other,” which is an extremely different sentiment than “I’m in love with you, too.” It’s not like Miranda helps the situation since she’s acting like a 13-year-old with a crush, who, when she realizes Che isn’t into this impromptu pop-in, just … runs away? I hate to agree with Che Diaz, but when Che is like, “What the fuck?” I’m inclined to say, “Yes, I agree.” Miranda seems fine with the “not dating” thing and decides she’s the one who needs to be more chill about all of this. Nothing is chill about any of this!!
Let’s move on to Carrie and a story line I can really get behind. Carrie has plans to meet Professor Puke, er, Very Nice Teacher Peter for dinner again. She is adamant that it isn’t a date though, and more of a “do-over between two people who got sick on one another.” Sexy!! However, one thing making this difficult is her new worry about the fact that she’s still wearing her wedding ring. Is it appropriate to be wearing it on a date, she asks Seema, who very astutely tells her pal that it’s appropriate if she wants it to be appropriate — Carrie needs to do what feels right to her. She toys with the idea of removing it right before her not-a-date but just ends up putting Big’s ring on and holding it in place with a Band-Aid. She can’t go out with Peter. I get that Carrie doesn’t want to cancel on Peter by way of text, but it’s not like dragging him out to the restaurant only to tell him she can’t have dinner with him is that much more polite. Who knows where he lives in relation to this place! Regardless, Peter is more than understanding. It’s clear they’re both still in pain — he keeps his wife’s last voice-mail on his phone and listens to it over and over. Still, he tells Carrie that this is strike two for them, and she better be careful. Okay, I know all we really know about Peter is that he is a teacher, has great hair, he is kind, and he can puke on a woman and not be TOO embarrassed about it, but, wow, he is … swoony? I’m rooting for Peter!
Carrie is still wearing Big’s ring when she joins the gang for a day of painting to get the women’s shelter Nya and Miranda have been working on ready for opening. Carrie and Steve — who, again, still shows up after everything! An angel! — decide to pair up, and it doesn’t take long for Steve, the Saddest Boy, to begin asking Carrie questions about Miranda and Che. How long was it going on? Did she introduce them? He isn’t pushy about it; he’s just confused and hurt. Carrie is, like, sort of empathetic? But mostly she wants to stay out of it. She gets an excuse to end the conversation when she walks right into a tray full of paint and needs to wash off her heels (listen, I won’t knock her for wearing giant heels for a day of manual labor; she is Carrie Bradshaw, people!).
While in the bathroom, however, Big’s ring slips off and goes down the drain. She is distraught and panicked and eventually calls Steve in for help. He assures her it’ll be in the p-tray, and sure enough, with some tools and elbow grease, he finds the ring. Carrie’s relief is palpable. She apologizes to him for overreacting, but he gets it. He’s wearing his wedding ring and tells Carrie that he never plans on taking it off. No matter what Miranda does, it’s “till death do us part” for him. It’s both romantic and so, so freaking sad. Carrie can’t stand it. She tells him that he’s “such a wonderful person,” doesn’t he think he might want “somebody at some point?” He deserves to be happy with someone. Still, he’s not budging. “Never coming off,” he repeats.
We might never know if Steve changes his mind, but we do know that Carrie’s own words, at the very least, get her thinking about what she’s doing with her own ring. She might want to find somebody too — or at the very least, to put herself out there to see if she might want somebody else. So she heads home and puts both her and Big’s rings away in a drawer, and she texts Peter: Up for strike three?
This and That
• Lily might be even more Charlotte than Charlotte is! She’s a mini-me, that’s for sure. This week, Lily’s freaking out because she realizes she’s going to have her period at the same time as a big pool party in the Hamptons, and she simply REFUSES to wear tampons. Eventually, Lily asks her mom for help, and the mother-daughter duo embarks on some bonding by way of awkward tampon-insertion demonstrations. Lily is so high strung and panicked about the whole thing that even Charlotte, who lives for bonding with her children, has enough: “It’s like having a newborn again but with a cell phone and her period!”
• Lily isn’t Charlotte’s only period pain: She tells Carrie and Miranda that she thinks she’s finally going through menopause and not to brag or anything, but she hasn’t had “any of those awful symptoms” they had when they were going through it. The girls love seeing that Smug Charlotte has made her return! Later though, Charlotte ends up getting her period, which Miranda tells her can happen when going through menopause. It is a reminder that one is never too old to have to use the old sweatshirt-around-the-waist move.
• Seema turns 54, and while she had thought 53 would be the year she finally found her man, she’s not mad that instead she found a really great friend. She has a great life! But what is this? She ends up flirting with the owner of a club who smokes as much as she does and calls her the Boss. Maybe 54 is her year, should she want to be in a committed relationship, no pressure, it is her prerogative, okay?
• Anthony remains a goddamn delight. First, he looks great in his little Hot Fellas uniform. Second, there is not even room for a breath in between his new, well-read boyfriend, Justin, calling the Holocaust a hoax and Anthony screaming at him to get out.
• That Nya and Andre conversation was a heartbreaker: Nya thought they had moved past trying to have kids, and she’s very secure in that decision, but it turns out Andre is not. He’s still pining to be a dad, and Nya wishes what they have together could be enough for him. Everyone is teary-eyed!!
• LTW carries a large hairbrush in her fitted cargo shirt sleeve pocket, so I carry a large hairbrush in my fitted cargo shirt sleeve pocket.
• Is “I was craving me some Che” the most cursed line of this entire revival?!?! Scrub it from my earholes!!!!