Surprise, surprise: Jason’s still annoying. All this man does is mumble and grumble! I thought we were finally going to get somewhere with him (read: fire his ass), but Storm still seems to be working up the courage to confront him. Hopefully he does this by next week because I’m not sure how much longer I can take his sourpuss attitude. As Courtney asks, “When is anyone ever vibing with Jason?”
These guests are also still annoying. At their beachside sushi dinner, the mom asks the girls to share interesting facts about themselves. One of them says she’s a quarter Japanese. The mom responds that her fact is not only interesting but applicable … because they’re eating sushi. Racism alert! The mom also tells her daughter her green eye shadow makes her look like a swamp. She does realize she’s on TV, right?
I guess the meat and potatoes of this episode is Captain Sandy rocking the interior team’s shit. Does anyone care that Natalya ratted out Kyle and Tash to Dear Old Cap? I don’t! On the scale of 1 to “rat,” I don’t even think she snitched that hard. We see video evidence of Captain Sandy disgusted by the state of the pantry hours, if not days, before Natalya supposedly tattles on her teammates. The proof is already in the pudding; plus, Natalya is always famously doing laundry! It doesn’t help that Kyle and Natasha have spent the past two episodes running around proclaiming how distracted they are. And for the record, I love Kyle! I think he’s a delight. But let’s call a spade a spade and admit he hasn’t been on his A game since Frank.
I know — I know what producers can do. I know Hollywood consists of smoke and mirrors. I know this, okay? That being said … the editing is not helping Tash and Kyle’s cases. We got Tweedledee and Tweedledum chatting about naps while Natalya is literally on her hands and knees scrubbing. We spot Tash texting her boyfriend (points where they’re due: She did send him a message saying she can’t message him regularly!). And most important, we have the late-night escapades.
On the last night of the charter, our Polly Pocket guests are staying up late taking shots, promising they’ll stay “besties for the restie,” and doing the worm. Kyle and Natasha are technically on service duty but keep their distance from the drunkies and opt to have a heart-to-heart instead. Kyle confesses feeling anxious about Frank and thanks Natasha for her patience and never climbing down his throat, remarking that her actions showcase the kind of leader she is.
Cut to: Dave and Mzi watching them gab and wondering if they ever get their fucking asses up to work.
At 3:27 a.m., the guests have the drunchies and request some late-night snacks. At 4:27 a.m., Natasha brings up the food for the guests. How does it take a full hour to whip up some grilled cheese sandwiches? I watch Kyle fish frozen food out of the freezer — I can’t imagine it took 60 minutes to prep chicken nuggets? (Side note: LOL that the guests wondered if their munchies were from Costco.) Why weren’t they cleaning while the food was defrosting? Why wasn’t one of them tending to the mess while the other was handling service? This makes no sense to me, efficiency wise, and debunks their claims of not having enough time. They do have enough time; they’re just not using it in the right way. They head to bed after 5 a.m., leaving complete chaos in their wakes.
The next morning, Natalya wakes up to pure filth. The kitchen is in disarray, the laundry’s piling up, and the décor from the party is still strewn about. Captain Sandy spots a spare laptop in the bridge and calls out to Natalya, asking whom it belongs to. Natalya, who is clearly rattled, says it’s Chief Stewy’s. Captain Sandy senses something is awry and presses Natalya, who lets the stress come spilling out of her. She feels behind, she’s overwhelmed, and she’s concerned her team is distracted. Let the record show she did not speak a single lie …
Captain Sandy assures Natalya she’ll handle it, and by “handle it,” she must have meant coming for Natasha the second she wakes up with an order to get her shit together. I will say, I don’t think you get the best reaction out of someone by criticizing them right when they wake up. I will also say I’m a Pisces and much too soft to ever work on a boat. Natalya confronts Tash too, which Tash interprets as Natalya trying to edge her out her Chief Stew role and take it for herself. Just a petite peu delusional. Natasha reports this all to Kyle immediately, claiming Captain Sandy was screaming at her, which she wasn’t.
Before long, Kyle also gets an earful from Captain Sandy, who amps up the drama this time around. She says that one stain, which has been visible for two days, makes her want to vomit in her mouth every time she sees it. She’s gunning for her Oscar, clearly. Then, to twist the knife even further, she tells Kyle that the one who’s always in the laundry (Natalya) is the only one who’s always cleaning up. Obviously this is going to send Kyle over the edge.
Kyle suspects Natalya had something to do with this slap on the wrist and immediately goes to confront her. Is there a doctor onboard? Because somebody needs to prescribe him and Tash some Xanax, stat. Things will only take a turn for the worse. The episode ends with Captain Sandy calling Tash to the bridge, and from the looks of it, their conversation does not seem good.
From the Galley
• I couldn’t tell if the guests were serious or joking when they asked, seemingly in earnest, what the interior staff does all night. “Do they prep for the next day?”
• My kingdom for a Natalya-level Luddite. She had to Google Dolly Parton! Absolutely no thoughts in that pretty little head of hers, just vibes.
• Dave seems to be healthier! Good for him! No further notes at this time.