I’ll be honest: I was dreading watching this episode; last week was dark enough. And right at the top, Bravo spares none of us by starting with the long-awaited cabin swap. Natasha is staying in her cabin. Her new roommate is Kyle, who trades with Dave and will now be bunking with Jason. Didn’t Jason and Dave have beef, you ask? Yes, dear reader, they did, but Jason feels bad for Dave and will be a welcoming roomie. Jason clearly has had an ounce of media training because he says he has sympathy for Dave but not without adding the caveat that he only sympathizes because of what he knows about the situation, and he doesn’t know the whole story! Smart boy.
Natasha compares rearranging rooms to a “walk of shame,” and Dave says he really feels it’s all over now. To which I say: Duh? How could it not be? Kyle and Natasha will be great roommates, but remember that they’re sisters, and sisters fight. Natasha is already running off left and right to text and call her ex-boyfriend. Her phone call with him, which she takes off-board, is painful to listen to. She’s desperate, distracted, insecure, and falling by the wayside in real time. This situation is too messy. Just focus on yourself, Tash! Kyle tells her he doesn’t think running back to her ex will be her best option and interrogates her about her intentions with him. I once again applaud Kyle for keeping it real and being a solid-ass friend. Tash laughs this off and says she does like to run away from problems a lot. Maybe investigate this instead of turning to a man?
And as much as Kyle loves to kiki with Tash, he’s fed up with her AWOL status. She ignores her team to respond to text messages that are “quite urgent,” leaving Kyle high and dry during lunch service. He is literally sweating down his butt crack, and what is Tash doing? Texting her ex! I am worried this preoccupation will only affect her work even more, and I know Natasha didn’t work this hard to get booted because of a boy.
Natasha is also getting on Natalya’s nerves. I live for how Natalya lives to serve, and I hope she has an illustrious career as a party planner after her Below Deck days are done. She envisions, executes, and is rewarded by the guests’ joy and gratitude. That’s the only thanks she needs. She does laundry day in and day out without complaints and is fueled by the mere idea of impressing guests with her party themes and décor. So why does Natasha bump Natalya from service to housekeeping after she spent hours doing party setup?
Let’s rewind. Kyle is out for the rest of the eve with a painful toothache. Our boy needs to see a dentist ASAP. Therefore, the interior relies on a deckhand to help during dinner service. Luckily, Courtney (of last season’s stew fame) is now onboard as a deckie (more on her later), and because of her work history, she’s tapped to help. Natasha claims that, since Courtney doesn’t know the boat as well, it would be easier for Natasha to have Courtney on her service instead of cleaning an unfamiliar yacht; thus, Natalya is knocked down to housekeeping.
What does Natalya think of that? “Babe, it’s called a cleaning caddy,” she vents to Kyle. I completely agree, and so does he! “And actually you should be on service!” he tells her. I have a lot of thoughts here.
- Courtney is capable of cleaning.
- In the casino theme, both Natalya and Natasha are donning matching dresses of the sparkly pink variety. Courtney detests this dress. Actual quote: “I hate pink, and I hate glitter.” She does not want to be wearing it. I’d even wager she’d rather be scrubbing down showers if that meant she could wear her reds or blacks. Free Courtney from this wannabe Sherri Hill!
- If Kyle and Natalya unite forces … this could be bad for Natasha. They are silly sisters, but they take their work seriously, and right now, Natasha is fucking that up.
- Unrelated, but needs mentioning, I die for Kyle’s confessional mid-Natalya vent. She intrudes on Kyle as he’s curled up in bed, resting from his toothache. He’s a good sport … to her face. Let’s review it here: At one stage, I’m, like, glad that she can confide in me. On the other hand, I’m like, girl, I feel in pain. I just wanna sleep, you know? Gorgeous.
Moving on! So Courtney’s back, obviously, but this time as a deckie, and she’s ready to twerk! Side note: My kingdom for Mzi’s laugh response when asked by a producer if he still has feelings for her.
Due to the size of the swells, Home is docked for the night, meaning the deckies are left without much to do. Courtney helps out the interior and bonds with Natalya, her new roomie, who quickly fills her in on the Natasha-Dave goss and lays down her claim on Storm. I actually think Natalya and Storm’s fling is cute, and I hope it stays sweet and innocent. Courtney’s sole takeaway is “Thank fucking God she’s not performing stew duties the whole time.” She’s back as a deckie for a reason, and it’s not to iron sheets.
Regarding the above, where I mentioned Home must stay docked … I wonder if Bravo gives these guests a discount on the back end? No one can help the weather, but I would certainly be pissed if I were paying tens of thousands of dollars for the sole purpose of being out at sea and then was told we’d be landlocked. I don’t even want to talk about Storm and his faulty walkie-talkie yet. It’s been teased to us twice, and we still don’t know the full story. In my opinion, it’s a dead battery at the worst possible time, but it has been amplified as a major plot point. My bet is that it’s no big deal, but I guess we’ll see next week!