Just as suspected, Storm’s walkie-talkie mishap is no big deal. The vessel skims the dolphin, yes, but it is fine. It turns out Storm didn’t know how to function the walkie-talkie. I wonder if the bosun walkie-talkie is a different model or if deckies simply don’t talk enough to run into this issue. But I’ll dole out credit where it’s due and applaud Captain Sandy for responding gorgeously. She calls Storm to the bridge after his first docking, tells him he did well, and assuages all his anxieties. She says she never went over the walkie-talkie specifications with him, so he had no way of knowing, and she insists it’s a teachable moment. In her confessional, she states that Storm is only a provisional bosun compared with Raygan’s bosun status. That makes a difference.
Because I’m bored with Natasha and Dave, I will discuss Kyle’s toothache first. Poor Kyle. He’s drooling blood, having his “mouth period,” in his terms, and opting for housekeeping instead of service. Natalya shows a flash of pettiness I haven’t seen before, accusing Kyle of going on vacation and phoning it in while she’s the only one working. She claims he took a full 48 hours off (false), and it’s obvious this is all about something else entirely. Isn’t it always? Natasha observes the pair bickering and backs away slowly so she can text her boyfriend sweet nothings.
The next night, Kyle is sobbing because of the pain, and Natasha finally calls Captain Sandy to the rescue, who arranges for Kyle to go to the hospital. The crew receives word that Kyle will need to spend the night at the hospital because his tooth is severely infected, and he can’t see the dentist until the morning. I wonder how this happened. I am a hypochondriac, and as someone who is always trying to avoid afflictions that happen to others, I want more information. What was Kyle’s dental hygiene like preinfection? How often did Kyle go to the dentist? Separately, does Bravo cover this medical bill? Do they even have medical bills in Malta? My brain can’t compute countries with universal health care!
The next morning, Kyle’s back. The doctors pull two teeth (!!!!), and he can’t wait to suck on certain things again. Even the producers laugh at that one. I love Kyle’s energy. He’s fresh and funny, and because this season has been such a flop, I don’t even care if he crosses lines with guests. That being said, the preview for next week’s episode makes me nervous. I’m literally contradicting myself two sentences later, but if he hooks up with one of the charter guests … perhaps that is taking it too far? I also am desperately afraid of losing Kyle from the cast! What will we do without him? Watch Tash text?
I’ve been beating around the bush for long enough — time to talk about Natasha and Dave. First things first: I actually shriveled up into my own body when Natasha commented on Dave’s soy dish, saying it looked amazing, only for him to respond that she looks amazing. Minutes later, he introduces the dish to the guests, calls it the “Morning Glory,” and says Tash inspired it. Dave, it’s over! She broke up with you! This is weird and cringey behavior. If not for yourself, then please think of us, the viewers, who have to watch!
Meanwhile, Natasha is nonstop texting her ex, who is now her boyfriend again, to the point where I wonder if she’ll get in trouble for always being on her phone. When Dave first probes, she resists, saying it’s nothing. But then she comes clean and confesses to Dave that they’re sorting things out, citing the dogs, shared home, and friends. Dave tells her she doesn’t know what she wants (on the one hand, true, but on the other hand, I think she knows what she wants in the sense that she knows she doesn’t want to be alone, so will settle for a flop) and insists she’s taking the easy way out. In his confessional, Dave tells us that Tash’s ex cheated on her multiple times and that the couple has had difficulties for years. This makes me sad for Tash, but not surprised. Kyle, bless his toothless heart, reminds Tash that she came here for a bigger purpose than Dave, while Dave stomps around like a mad little troll.
In fact, let’s take a moment to talk about Dave and the other boys in the club! These three miserable musketeers are awful to watch and even worse to listen to. Jason doesn’t fit in and doesn’t seem to be trying to despite his claims that he’s “actively strategizing” how to make friends (which, weird). At dinner, he barely says a word and is seemingly silent on the ride back home. Storm is overanalyzing his docking, replaying it into oblivion for all those who’ll listen. And Dave is grumbling over Natasha. At least we have Mzi and Kyle to keep things buoyant!
Natalya is also annoyed by Storm’s overthinking. They just had a first date, and this is how it’s ending? She wants to let loose and drink and dance, and her date slumps in the corner, droning on and on about work. I had high hopes for this date. Storm asks her out as the two are sitting in the elevated pilot seats onboard, and it is honestly really cute and sweet. This — whatever you want to call it — has a sweetness and innocence to it that is much appreciated in the aftermath of Dave and Tash. But now? Who knows if it will even last? Cause of death: workaholism.
From the Galley
• I giggled out loud when the charter guests boarded the banana boat and set out on a little cruise. What fun! I want to ride the banana boat with my besties.
• I also giggled at Courtney’s “just the tip” joke.
• My jaw fell onto the floor when Natasha casually revealed she was engaged to someone she had been working on a boat with for three years and broke up with him when they were crossing from Majorca to Abu Dhabi … and they continued sharing a cabin for a month!
