Readers, some housekeeping: Storm has officially been promoted to bosun! Provisional bosun, no more. Congratulations!
Moving on, I am officially over Natasha. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt; we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, and it does seem like she’s been emotionally manipulated by men, but it’s time to come clean and admit that she is a master manipulator as well. I still think Dave is chock-full of issues. This isn’t a zero-sum game. Both parties can be crazy! But, Natasha is a million miles past insane. She even admits to us that she’s a rebellious angel who is always trying to get away with murder, and I am choosing to take that literally. More evidence? The preview we get of next week’s episode. I believe Sandy is speaking to Natasha when she warns someone not to manipulate her.
Mary Oliver asked, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” For me, the answer is to reexamine the wine pairing, from every which way. If you thought we were leaving the wine pairing predicament behind, you thought wrong. I commend the producers who provided us with gratuitous shots of goblets of wine, most half-full and un-drunk, scattered across the table. When Dave asks if the guests are happy, Natasha immediately jumps to respond that they’re all wine-pairing and loving it. All wine-pairing? I thought I just witnessed half the guests order cocktails, ignoring their ten glasses of wine.
Then, this girl has the gall to comment on how hectic the service was, to none other than Dave! Stay in your lane Tash! You caused the chaos … and in fact, that might be a pattern for your entire life. None of us are surprised that she confesses that it may have been the wrong decision — privately.
At the end of the charter, Dave pulls Tash for a chat and says they need to be able to work together. Dave gets tons of maturity points here: He levels with Tash and reveals she broke his heart and it (reasonably) upset him, but he now understands that nothing is happening between them and is looking forward to moving forward. He even stays in for the night once the charter is over … Color me impressed!
On Natasha’s relationship front: Her ex-now-current-boyfriend seems majorly clingy and controlling. She tells us that he doesn’t like how she works with Dave. This makes me depressed. I want to save Tash, but she don’t wanna be saved. And even if she did, only she can save herself.
Now let’s get to the good stuff: Following the infamous wine pairing dinner, Kyle changes into his cloud pajamas (are those Jambys?) to join the guests for a little after-hours fun, which is questionable on the professionalism front, but Tasha encourages it! The group engages in a little round of roses and thorns, with Kyle turning it horny. He says to Frank: “I never thought I would honestly be so attracted to another individual in a long while. I saw your smile … and I was shook. He has this calming aura and when I feel him around, it keeps me very grounded and secure and I feel that energy. I want to be around it and get to know you more.”
WHATTTTJASKLFJSALKJDFSAASDLK!!?!? Imagine saying this to someone you had met the day prior while you are working for them? It’s now two in the morning and Kyle is flopping around in a cuddle puddle while Tash half-cleans and prays that Captain Sandy doesn’t awake and come for both their asses. Kyle’s nearly-there-affair is making him nervous, and even admits as much to Tasha the next day.
However, he clearly isn’t that anxious because he keeps splashing around post-Olympics, warranting a quick slap on the wrist from Captain Sandy. Get back to work! He’s a good boy for the rest of the day, but things heat up after the group’s final dinner. The two love birds discuss Kyle’s “gay wit,” and Frank’s recent weight loss before sharing an intimate hug that seals the deal: The next morning, Frank texts Kyle and asks if they can hang out after charter … How did he get his number? Did Kyle give it to him and I just missed it? Or is one of the producers a romantic (and shit stirrer) at heart? Kyle responds to Frank and tells him that the crew is going out that night, and their groups should meet up. THEN, upon departure, Frank whispers to Kyle that he wishes he could kiss him! Come nightfall, These boys are gonna get in trouble … or fall in sweet, innocent, love. And I love it.
While out on the town, Kyle and Frank are giddy and cute and I have zero snark to say about them. They tease out their first kiss, claiming that they’ll save it for their first date … but then we get a cinematic ending. Right before they part for good, Kyle sprints out of the sprinter van and plants a big ole smooch on Frank, right in the middle of the parking lot. Did I just cheer out loud? This is what dreams are made of! Reader, I could feel the passion of their make-out through the screen. I wish the best for them and desperately want to know how they’re doing — unless it’s bad, then I would rather live in denial!
I’ll admit it. I saved the worst for last. Surprising absolutely no one, Jason fucks up again this week by going MIA on break. Storm gives him instructions to take a 15-minute break at 7:17 p.m., with Courtney scheduled to go on break after Jason returns. At 7:38, Storm asks if Jason is back. Spoiler alert: He isn’t. At 7:52, Courtney goes to fetch him. Jason gives her immediate lip, claiming it’s impossible for him to eat and shower in 15 minutes. Mzi and Courtney are not down with his defiant attitude, and do what any coworkers do when they’re frustrated: Talk shit. Courtney says she could have killed him, multiple times, and same. And then, this boy has the audacity to be late to his anchor watch shift AND leave the bow a mess! How dare you do that to your team? And by the looks of the preview, who knows if this will be his team for much longer …
From the Galley
• I did the dirty work (light stalking) for you and found Liam/Bambi’s Instagram here.
• To give praise where it’s due: snaps for Dave’s pirate-ship birthday cake.
• This quote deserves an honorable mention: “I feel like a big gay soup.”