You know what’s truly evil? Evil dropping an episode full of wildness and then peacing out until next season. How dare they do this to us! I’m already counting down to season four because of that reveal at the end of this episode. That was bananas. That is going to cause some trouble. But before we talk about season four, let’s wrap up season three. Buckle up, baby!
Honestly, we should’ve known. Any episode that opens up with as heartbreaking a moment as “The Demon of the End” should signal that we are in for it. That sound Father Ignatius makes when he sees Monsignor Korecki, his great love, dead on the floor, punched me right in the gut. That sound will haunt me for all my days. I’m just very devoted to this doomed love story; please give me privacy at this time.
The rectory is reeling. Sister Andrea is in tears, and David comes running through, sobbing. When he finds Grace, all she can tell him is that “a man” came for her, that she had no idea he would attack the monsignor, her blindness to what was supposed to happen scares her (is she broken or is Leland just that powerful of a demonic presence?), and that the man will be coming for David. Can’t she draw Leland or something? Come on!
Grace is whisked off to the Vatican for protection, and David is left to figure out what comes next after this blow. According to Father Ignatius, work comes next. Matthew would’ve wanted them to continue on their mission, and so stuffing down your grief for the exorcism of a demonic infestation it is! Oddly enough, the complaint of demonic infestation comes from none other than Kristen’s new neighbor. When you think about it, that’s not odd at all — it was only a matter of time before all the demon shit and shrunken heads haunting Kristen’s house would bleed (literally!) over into the neighbor’s house. They don’t have a category on Zillow about your neighborhood’s history of possessions, but maybe they should.
The guys go to work on that exorcism (or plumbing issues, according to Ben), but Kristen is too busy to attend, and that is because Sheryl and Leland decide to execute their Andy Plan. Oh, buddies, it goes horribly wrong for them. It goes great for the rest of us. Well, it goes okay for Andy. Time will tell.
Anyhoo, Sheryl arrives just in time for Kristen and her daughters to take their regular call with Andy, knowing that this will be the night Edward will inform them that Andy went missing in an avalanche so that Sheryl and Leland can dispose of the body or put him in storage for the rest of eternity or whatever. As soon as Edward answers the video call from “Nepal,” Kristen knows something is wrong. She sends the girls away as she tries to hold back her sobs. But in news surprising no one, the Bouchard girls kick ass. They don’t believe their father is dead for one second. Laura clings to the fact that Grace told her he’d be home on Thursday, and immediately they huddle up and discuss the possibility that this all has something to do with Leland. They have Lexis get on Bumblebee Valley and start to message Pollie the Pig, Leland’s avatar. The other girls listen at their mom’s door, and sure enough, when Pollie starts responding to Lexis, they can hear the pings on their mom’s computer, proving that the call from Edward in “Nepal” is fake and he’s with Leland somewhere.
I’m surprised Kristen doesn’t take their theory more seriously, but we’ll cut her some slack during this stressful time! Sheryl, however, realizes her granddaughters have blown this shit wide open and foiled their plan to get rid of Andy for good. She calls Leland and tells him to nix the whole thing. They’re going to have to come up with a plan B. Leland is annoyed because he and Edward were in the middle of dragging Andy’s incapacitated body through his apartment, but also sort of impressed by the ingenuity of the Bouchard girls. And then Leland and Edward start singing “Kids” from Bye Bye Birdie because, in the middle of a truly devious story line, Evil never forgets that it is also a goddamn hoot.
Beside herself, Kristen calls David, and even though she can’t find anything online about this supposed huge avalanche, she asks him to pray for Andy. Ben is already there, helping with the girls. Honestly, is Ben the Magnificent’s friendship with the Bouchard girls the greatest relationship on this show, or am I just a sap? That night, Kristen prays for the first time since she was 14 and says that if Andy comes home, she’ll take the girls to church weekly. She will be good. And you know what? The next morning … Andy walks through the door.
Andy! He is suffering from some severe memory loss (wink, wink), but otherwise he’s okay and thinks that he was in an avalanche. There is a teary reunion with Kristen and a joyful one with his daughters, but it doesn’t take long for things to get weird. And I’m not just talking about how Andy and Sheryl are all of a sudden best buds, which Kristen definitely files away as something to unpack later. But there are other signs of something strange going on: Andy spots Grace’s sketch of Leland’s closet hanging on the fridge and has a flash of that very room before he collapses. One night, Kristen finds Andy out of bed and standing down in the still-under-construction addition, just staring. He turns to her and says, “I’m trapped.” That is unsettling to say the least. But Kristen can chalk that up to the head trauma, I guess, and so moves on to a different, albeit equally unsettling, mystery: She finds a creepy message written on the wall in the addition.
Sister Andrea is called in for this one because, yes, she’s great with languages, but also because her name is in whatever’s written up there. It ends up being your typical Revelations-type declaration about Sister Andrea and false prophets being tossed into a fiery lake of brimstone … yadda yadda yadda, you get it. What’s more important about the good sister’s visit is what happens next … which is also one of the greatest sequences in this show.
Sister Andrea’s demon hunting in Kristen’s house is Evil at its best. It’s weird, it’s scary, and also there’s a teen girl having an earnest discussion about wanting a purpose for her life with a nun. There are so many layers here. Sister Andrea is roaming around Kristen’s house looking for demons, and when she finds them, she bashes their heads in with a shovel. It is bloody and scary but also goofy. And these aren’t just any demons, mind you; these are all the demons we’ve met before on this show. The little demon hanging out in Sheryl’s room! The Ring-like girl from the hotel last season! Even George is skulking about (Sister Andrea doesn’t get to use her shovel on him just yet)! While Sister Andrea is spreading demon brains all over the place, Lynn Bouchard is following her, asking her about her decision to become a nun. Apparently, Lynn is contemplating that life choice for herself because all of her peers are vapid, and she wants more — she wants “a mission,” and Sister Andrea gets that. But while they’re having this sort of serious discussion, Lynn, who can’t see demons, is just watching Sister Andrea slam a shovel onto nothing. Still, she takes the nun at her word and moves on. The whole thing is wildly fabulous.
Sister Andrea can’t get rid of all the demons and so prescribes a more formal exorcism for the rest of them. I mean, just add it to Kristen’s to-do list at this point. On top of everything with Andy and the demonic infestation in her house, Kristen’s lawyer, Yasmine, shows up to inform her that you know the horrifying experience of seeing that pregnant woman mutilated and murdered by her husband you have probably compartmentalized just to survive the day? Well, it turns out the egg wasn’t yours! Isn’t that hilarious? Also, by the way, your egg was sold anonymously and all we know about the transaction is an address; yes, that is as shady as it sounds! All very cool stuff, right?
The end of this episode is bonkers. Kristen heads over to that address to see what she can find out, and I don’t think it would surprise you to learn that the address is for the offices of DF Global Industries and that Kristen runs into her mother there.
Meanwhile, back at home, Andy follows some weird noises back to the under-construction addition. Now, how do I describe what this man walks into? Maybe just “an old-fashioned demon party”? Perhaps “the most demented nativity scene in history”? Basically, the guy walks into all of the show’s demons — Ben’s night terror demon, the Manager, that winged demon, even the fire Jinn — all huddled around Kristen’s demon baby (you know, the one with the teeth!!) in a little manger. And then Kurt Boggs rolls up in a suit to remark on how beautiful it is. This is simultaneously the most hilarious TV reunion and the, pardon my French, most fucked.
Not to be outdone, Kristen, too, happens upon an unhinged gathering at DF: They’re having a baby shower for Sheryl’s pregnant assistant … and Leland is the father!! He makes a little toast and is looking directly at Kristen when he says, “We’re gonna be parents,” so she knows without a doubt that they used her egg for this. Kristen doesn’t barf immediately upon hearing this, but there’s always next season, right?
Perhaps not all hope is lost: While all this is going on, David has another vision of his angel. Does that mean Team Good might actually have a chance to turn things around?
• How deliciously awkward was that scene when Kristen seeks David’s counsel about her prayer issues and David thinks it’s Demon Kristen?
• And this is why we love Kristen Bouchard: She would rather her 14-year-old daughter get tattoos and a nose ring than even think about becoming a nun. She did not raise her daughter to get involved in the “patriarchal bullshit” of the church.
• Perhaps a mystery for next season: Laura talks about the girl next door, Crystal, trying to scare her through the vents and telling her to do certain things, only the family next door doesn’t have any daughters. So who is Crystal, and why is she messing with Laura?
• I find it hard to believe Ben wouldn’t follow up on Laura telling him about why the girls think Leland kidnapped their dad. Sure, Andy turns up, but Ben doesn’t have one follow-up question?
• Will Father Ignatius be back next season? Not that I’m already moving on from Monsignor Korecki, but come on, Wallace Shawn has been excellent in his all-too-brief appearances this season.
• Ooh, very cool to see how Demon Kristen begins to change when we get a look at her from Sister Andrea’s POV.
• Kristen walking next door to talk to her neighbor and then quickly running back into the house to put a prepackaged coffee cake on a plate and pass it off like she baked it as a neighborly gesture before knocking is such a great little character moment. Other shows wish they could do what Evil does, okay?