‘F- - -, Marry, Kill’: Colonizer Edition With Honey Pluton

Despite living in these frankly precedented times, we are fully existing in the future. And a futuristic lifestyle calls for a modern approach to our traditional “Follow Friday” column. We at Vulture have pivoted from our Luddite ways, opting for a more interactive digital angle on what was once mere text on a web page. We want you to get to know our favorite up-and-coming comics, writers, and generally funny social-media presences face-to-face (or at least screen-to-screen). So we hope you enjoy our new and improved Instagram Live–based version of “Follow Friday.”

This week, I sat down for a long-awaited chat with the incredible Honey Pluton (TikTok, Honey Dew, immediately clocking me as a Gemini after less than a minute of conversation) about bartenders, dodo birds, and how smoking cigarettes is fundamentally cool. They explained the benefits of PMA when working an essential job through a pre-vaccine pandemic, noted the desire for an entertainment job that has accompanied their Saturn return, and joined me in a rousing game of “Fuck, Marry, Kill” with France, Spain, and the U.K. (We’re both gonna fuck France.) They also had a visceral reaction to a different kind of C-word, brought on by their years of working in the service industry: “‘Customer’ is literally a slur. You said ‘customer,’ and I just got so enraged that I picked a scab off my knee. I’m not gonna show the scab because that’s a little bit R-rated, but I am looking at a loose scab now.”

You can find Honey on Twitter and Instagram at @honeypluton.