Jake Cornell Recognizes the Inherent Value of Panera Bread

Despite living in these frankly precedented times, we are fully existing in the future. And a futuristic lifestyle calls for a modern approach to our traditional “Follow Friday” column. We at Vulture have pivoted from our Luddite ways, opting for a more interactive digital angle on what was once mere text on a web page. We want you to get to know our favorite up-and-coming comics, writers, and generally funny social-media presences face-to-face (or at least screen-to-screen). So we hope you enjoy our new and improved Instagram Live–based version of “Follow Friday.”

This week, I was joined by a dewy, freshly skin-cared Jake Cornell (Going Out With Jake Cornell, Man & Woman, spending his childhood between two imaginary New England states) for a chat about fast-casual restaurants, stand-up-comedy faux pas, and Seekonk, Massachusetts. He shared his lofty idea for his next double birthday party, parsed out the admissions qualifications for a fictional comedian-only Soho House, and expressed his admiration for Panera Bread employees. In fact, he looked to those very employees for inspiration when I asked for ideas on how to fix the bugs plaguing NYC monkeypox-vaccine distribution. “Okay, so I think that there’s a system that is tried and true and that we have been testing on populations with large demand for decades. It started at Panera,” he said. “And that’s: You go up to the counter and you get a buzzer coaster. You go back into your life, and when that coaster buzzes, you come back and get your half-soup, half-sandwich, and first dose of your two-dose vaccine.”

You can find Jake on Twitter and Instagram at @jakewcornell.