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Kevin Can F**k Himself Recap: Near-Death Energy

Kevin Can F**k Himself

The Machine
Season 2 Episode 6
Editor’s Rating 3 stars

Kevin Can F**k Himself

The Machine
Season 2 Episode 6
Editor’s Rating 3 stars
Photo: Robert Clark/Stalwart Production/AMC

There are three episodes until the series finale, and this week’s is groaning with the effort. Allison is repeatedly putting off faking her death and getting out of Worcester, saying it’s “too soon” for the end of Allison (and also … of the show?). Meanwhile, Sitcom World is nearly Dadaist in its general incoherence. Let’s begin:

Once again, Kevin is furious reading the local paper because, officially, someone else — someone who is not Kevin — has been declared the town’s local celebrity. The “New Worcester Wild Dude,” according to the reporter who wrote (and saw right through) Kevin’s profile, is a real cutie: a studly racehorse. Kevin’s mad, so what happens next? According to Kevin, “justice,” which means getting Kelly the reporter fired and putting a stuffed animal horse head on her car as an insult to injury. Another woman losing her job at the hand of Kevin McRoberts, just like Allison in season one.

Kevin’s actions continue to hurt Allison, albeit in a roundabout way. She’s driving somewhere with Sam as they talk about the ways she could fake her death. Now that she has Gertrude’s death certificate and her Social Security number and Billy PI made her fake mail, she can go to the RMV “whenever.” Sam accuses her of stalling. Allison protests that she’s trying to be thoughtful.

And they get blindsided by a car speeding through an intersection.

Allison, visibly hurt, walks two miles to Patty’s from the site of the accident because she doesn’t want to be picked up by the EMTs. She needs Patty to pop her shoulder back into its socket, which is a lot to ask of a friend, but Patty is game. Allison drinks, anticipating the pain, and Patty looks up how to do it on Google. It turns out she’s something of a natural at this. Patty pops the shoulder back into place while a nosy Allison is all heated and distracted by talk of Patty’s upcoming move.

When Allison finally gets home, she sees the missing stop sign from the intersection where she was blindsided. Kevin took it and unwittingly caused the accident. Once again, Allison has been physically hurt thanks to Kevin’s actions. She says a venomous “Fuck you” to Kevin.

The next day, in Sitcom World, Kevin and Pete remark on how gross the house looks. Allison enters and says she’s on strike. She’s refusing to clean. Kevin thinks it’s the result of Allison being worked to the bone at Sam’s diner, and he resolves to take care of it.

And take care of it he does. Kevin went and told Sam’s wife, Jenn, that Sam was working Allison too hard because she was at the diner until midnight some nights. Kevin thought the two were at AA meetings. Jenn knew better, and she’s furious at Sam. The truth about Sam and Allison’s affair is coming to light. In his way, Kevin blew up Sam’s life.

In Sitcom World, Kevin’s the lord of the manor in a hot tub in the living room. Kevin’s desperate for someone to join him. Pete refuses. Allison refuses. But the real reason Kevin’s “bereft,” as he puts it? It’s because Neil is missing, and he’s not there to share in his moment of glory.

Allison found out about the Neil-and-Diane thing when she went out for a beer and saw them making out at the end of the bar. Allison’s reaction? She looks as if she threw up a little bit in her mouth. The next day, Allison takes Diane out for day drinks in order to bring up that, uh, subject. She warns her to be careful. She’s had experience with Neil’s violent outbursts, to say the least.

That night, Neil — who had been told earlier in the episode that his fling with Diane was not a real relationship but a “just in this room thing” — stands Diane up at the Worcester View Motel. Diane confronts Neil at his place, and he calls their whole thing “weird and stupid.” She’s pissed. At her AA meeting, Diane talks about how she hooked up with Neil and thought it was okay because she knew him before she got sober. He gave her a reason to not drink. But now that they’re not together, she’s worried about him.

She’s right to be worried. Drunk as hell Neil slurs his words, smashes a nip on Kevin’s sidewalk, and barges in: “I’m back, buddy!” It’s sinister. Now that Neil’s back in Sitcom World, it’s time for something like an actual sitcom plot. He’s greeted like a returning king by Pete and Allison. Kevin already has a shenanigan for the two of them: It’s time for their “bar tour de Franzia,” some horrific version of a pub crawl.

Patty — who, like Allison, is in the middle of putting off her big move over to Tammy’s place —  starts to pack. She puts one book in a box. She gets overwhelmed and goes to check in on her brother. Neil is drunk and disorderly on the couch, blasted from the bar tour, and apparently they didn’t even win this year. He still has to do something with Kevin, it involves a goat, and Patty tells him to stay home. She gets her brother a blanket, but when she returns, he’s gone.

At Bev’s, Sam tells Allison his in-laws are trying to take control of the diner. Diane interrupts them and takes Allison into a back room. She gives her an envelope full of cash she won playing keno and launches into a very sweet speech. She says, “You know I never wanted kids — I thought I’d have boys, and I’d take care of them until I died. And I felt like I already had a girl.” She looks over at Allison when she says “girl.” Allison thanks Diane, and Diane says, “Thank Kevin,” because Kevin’s mere presence broke up Diane and Neil’s thing. Allison tries to give Sam the money as a possible solution to his looming in-law problem, but he refuses it. She suggests Kevin can help Sam keep the diner.

Allison finds Patty banging on her front door, looking for her brother. The women decamp to Patty’s place, where Allison tells Patty she should pull out one of Allison’s teeth. With a plier. They’re drinking, of course. Allison’s grand “fake my death” plan is to torch Kevin’s car — everything burns up, and if her teeth are sprinkled in there, they can identify her by her dental records. It’s a terrible plan, and she thought of it in a rush just like how Patty’s rushing in with Tammy. Our favorite reluctant friends are united in their discontent. But a call from the cops interrupts them. Neil’s in jail. And Patty’s not going to save him this time.

It’s Diane who bails Neil out. She asks Neil if he’s okay. He says, “No.” It’s a very well-acted exchange. They have very little dialogue in which they say anything close to what they mean, so all the pain and story is coming through in their eyes and motions. You can build a whole backstory to Neil and Diane.

In Sitcom World, Allison puts a plan in motion. As she makes Kevin and Pete a disappointing breakfast — eggs, no breakfast meats — she says they have to cut back because she’s going to lose her job at the diner. And it’ll be okay! Allison will cook more! She can “boil a dinner with the best of them.” (Gross!) Truly, the only solution is for Kevin to talk to Sam.

Allison hangs out with a hungover Patty. Patty tells Allison that Tammy told her about her sordid affair with Sam. Allison says it’s fine, right? Because we’re just friends? And you’re not going to be around for much longer. So I guess … there goes your shipping, Patty-and-Allison-heads? But should you really believe that? They have good chemistry!

When Allison leaves, nearly skipping — she’s notably happy this episode — Tammy runs out and stops her, showing her the video of Patty assaulting a trucker in Vermont. Tammy asks her if she thinks Patty’s been acting weird lately. Allison denies it badly. Tammy doesn’t believe her.

At Bev’s Diner, Allison is lost in a flashback of her crime memories with Patty. Sam interrupts her by telling her Jenn’s parents have dropped their move for control of the diner because of a personal-injury suit that, if it goes wrong, will totally make the current owners party to a big payout. The plaintiff’s name? Kelvin McLoberts.

Once again, Kevin, in his way, has kind of solved a problem. Because of that — or maybe a million other things — Allison makes a confession to Sam: She’s not ready to leave her life. Sure, there’s a ticking clock on being able to leave it in the form of Tammy, who is on to her various crime-adjacent moves. But Allison has reached something like an epiphany: “Turns out if you make your problems Kevin’s problems, he just fixes all of them.” Tammy is her current problem, so she just needs to introduce her to Kevin. It’s a strange note to end on in an episode that was kind of all over the place, sacrificing theme for plot, so the characters are all ready to finish their stories in the next two episodes.

Starbucks?! Over Dunkies??

• Patty’s best quip this week: “Fun is for people with disposable income,” a relatable thought with a looming possible recession.

• The scoreboard at the McRoberts house currently reads “Kevin: 656, life: 3.” Kevin is kicking life’s ass in the game of Kevin versus life!

• This week’s Kevin T-shirts were incredible. One advertising the venerable supermarket chain Market Basket with the logo reading “Mahkit Baskit” and “Moah for Yer Dollah” at the bottom. Shirt No. 2 had a picture of a plastic chair on a pile of snow with the words “Respect the chair / No Paaaking,” a sadly truthful representation of trying to park in South Boston after a snowstorm. It’s tribal out there, ya’ll.

• The MVPs of this episode were Alex Bonifer and Jamie Denbo as Neil and Diane, both giving their all to two sad people lost in alcoholism and abusive relationships finding a moment of connection with each other. It’s kind of sweet and certainly surprising.

Kevin Can F**k Himself Recap: Near-Death Energy