filthy rich

How Samantha Jones Is Kim Cattrall in Filthy Rich?

Photo: Patti Perret/FOX

Based on the number of billboards we’ve seen for Fox’s new prime-time soap Filthy Rich that feature Kim Cattrall reclining in a gold-lamé gown, dishwashing glove covering her martini-sipping hand, it seems clear the network is hoping to capitalize on Sex and the City fans’ nostalgia for the filthy one-liners and underrated physical comedy of her iconic SATC sexpot Samantha Jones. Now that the show’s first three episodes have debuted on Hulu, we’re ready for you, the viewer, to weigh in: How Samatha is Kim Cattrall in Filthy Rich?

Like all good soaps, Filthy Rich, based on the New Zealand series of the same name, is filled with twists and turns, secret children and affairs, and at least one coma to date. Cattrall stars as Margaret Monreaux, wife of televangelist Eugene Monreaux and host of her own talk show on the Sunshine Network, the Christian TV conglomerate founded by the pious couple decades ago. Think GOOP meets Tammy Faye Bakker, with her own White Diamonds–style perfume line called Proverbs 31.

The pair, along with their children Eric and Rose, have just announced the launch of the Sunny Club, Christianity’s answer to Amazon, when Eugene’s private jet tragically crashes in a swamp. Even more shocking than their patriarch’s sudden demise, however, is his will, which names three heretofore secret children he fathered out of wedlock, Ginger, Jason, and Antonio, whom Margaret is forced to summon to the family’s home in New Orleans. Oh, and, as you might have already suspected, Eugene isn’t actually dead after all.

While Margaret might be a monogamous mother of two, she definitely has Samantha’s love of a strong cocktail, a venomous comeback, and, most importantly, a sequined dress paired with a white fur, which Margaret wears as she calmly exits her family’s burning mansion in the pilot’s opener. “Rot in hell,” she says with a smile as her home goes up in flames. But does Filthy Rich give you the martini-glass full of ice-cold Samantha you require? We’ve catalogued Margaret’s most Samantha-esque moments so far so that you can decide, God bless your sweet little hearts.

Episode 1: “Pilot”

While watching her own mansion burn down, four months after the show begins
“Rot in hell.”

While promoting her family’s new Christian shopping platform
“The time has come to start shopping in God’s light.”

Chiding her son for his on-air rant against secular shopping outlets
“You attract bees with honey, not with Butt Butter.”

When her daughter criticizes her angelic entrance
“Baby, that’s not insecurity. That’s show business.”

On smoking while wearing a dishwashing glove
“I’m not messing up my nails with nicotine stains. I’m a lady who needs a smoke. I’m not a smoker.”

Admitting that she knew about one instance of her husband’s infidelity
“We slept in separate bedrooms for six months. And he only got handies for six more.”

Making plans to meet her husband’s three no-longer secret children
“I’ve dealt with a lot of bastards to get where I am. These three will be no different.”

On being a proper southern lady
“The only time a Monreaux girl is helpless is when her nails aren’t dry.”

In response to her son’s anger after she, in a surprise move, names herself CEO of the family business instead of him
ERIC: “I went to Wharton!”
MARGARET: “You ’bout flunked out!”

While promoting her special brand of Christian capitalism
“They say vote with your dollar. I say, pray with your dollar.”

When her network’s popular TV minister tries to pull rank on her
“You were preaching inside a double-wide when I found you. I made you.”

Episode 2: “John 3:33”

Dismissing her producer’s concerns about a tabloid putting the three new Monreaux children on their front page
“Nobody reads print, Nora.”

Dismissing her producer’s concerns about the three new Monreaux children in general
“They’re not just bastards, Nora. They’re people too.”

Suggesting her husband’s daughter should shut down her porn site
GINGER: “I’m gonna build my brand on the back of yours, ’cause I’m that bitch.”
MARGARET: “And I’m … this bitch.”

When ordering a martini
MARGARET: “I always order my martinis very cold, hold the vermouth.”
GINGER’S MOM TINA: “…That’s just vodka.”
MARGARET: “Your point?”

When hinting to her lawyer that maybe, just maybe, her husband’s plane crash wasn’t an accident after all
FRANKLIN: “I talked to that reporter, Keith. I learned some really bothersome things about Eugene.”
MARGARET: “That’s a disease that seems to be contagious.”
FRANKLIN: “He wanted to know if I could think of anyone who wanted Eugene dead. He said planes don’t just drop out of the sky.”
MARGARET: “They do if God wants them to.”

Episode 3 “Psalm 25:3”

When one of her husband’s son tries to get out of his on-air appearance
“Who doesn’t want to be on camera?!”

Going full Oprah on her talk show, revealing each of her audience members has a bottle of her perfume under their seat
“You get a Proverb! You all get a Proverb!”

Introducing her husband’s son, who is surprising her with a shirtless on-air MMA demonstration
“Where’s your shirt?! Antonio, you can’t cook dressed like that!”

Welcoming her husband’s daughter to her talk show
“Being a mother, it’s hard work. Some days, you just want to tear your hair out. But my next guest … makes me want to tear my hair out with joy!”

When almost reaching a Sam Jones–level realization about sex work
MARGARET: “Is it feminist to sell your body on the internet?”
GINGER: “Yes! My body belongs to me. I say what happens to it. I say what I do with it.”
MARGARET: “So every prostitute is a feminist!”

After her husband’s daughter brings up his affair with her mother
“Even if I want to rake my nails across that gorgeous harlot face of yours, well, I won’t, because Eugene, he might have taken everything away from me, but I still have my dignity, you cheap, trashy, sanctimonious little slut!”

When requesting her stool
“Bring me my stool.”

When deciding to push her husband’s corrupt partners out her business, by any means necessary
MARGARET: “I’ll use a little Ponchatoula honey to gently decline their investment.”
FRANKLIN: “Biscuits and honey might not satisfy them.”
MARGARET: “I do have other recipes.”

How Samantha Jones Is Kim Cattrall in Filthy Rich?