Love Island U.K. Recap: I Love You, But

Love Island U.K.

Week Four (Episodes 21-26)
Season 7 Episode 4
Editor’s Rating 4 stars

Love Island U.K.

Week Four (Episodes 21-26)
Season 7 Episode 4
Editor’s Rating 4 stars
Photo: ITV

Week 4 of Love Island U.K. is available to stream now in the United Kingdom on ITV2; it will be available in the U.S. on Hulu starting the week of August 2. This recap does not cover Episode 20 – Unseen Bits. 

Even though I said this two weeks ago, this season is starting to finally feel like Love Island (for real this time). There are a few key elements this show needs, and they’re finally starting to come together. There are clear heroes — Kaz, Liberty, Millie/Liam — and clear villains — Toby and, as much as I hate to say it, Hugo. There are newcomers unafraid to take risks — Abi — and relationships progressing — Faye/Teddy, Millie/Liam, Jake/Liberty. There is still the problem of this season’s weak male casting, but Casa Amor’s hopefully coming right along to smooth that over.

Let’s get one thing clear, though: We don’t need villains like Danny. Love Island should have pulled him out of the villa the minute they found out about him saying the N-word, no ifs, ands, or buts. There are clearly different rules for different contestants, because let’s not forget when Sherif Lanre was pulled in season five for saying the C-word, even though he claimed another male contestant said the N-word in front of him while singing along to a song in the villa. Even though it’s just a silly, funny reality show, it’s extremely popular worldwide, and thus should reflect the society we’re trying to build. That means real consequences for saying racial slurs, and not just getting voted out quickly by the British public (sorry — spoiler alert).

Sorry for that more serious intro, but if there’s one reason I love to recap these shows, it’s because I really do believe pop culture is a wonderful reflection of real life. On that note, let’s get back to the more fun part of real life, which is sexy singles fighting and (nearly) fucking!

Let’s Get Grafting

In case you forgot, it’s still the recoupling, and the newbies get to pick first. AJ selects Hugo because she has some sense of self-preservation, and Danny picks Lucinda though she clearly wanted to couple up with Aaron (we shouldn’t be surprised here — Danny clearly has a history of appropriating from Black people). So Aaron is left to couple up with Kaz in what seems like her billionth friendship couple of the villa, and the other usual suspects get together once again, leaving Sharon to go home. Everyone cries, and Sharon assures them some sort of hunky tax collector or comms staffer is somewhere out there waiting for her.

Aaron immediately tries to patch things up with Lucinda and tries to kiss her in front of D*nny. Lucinda swerves him and Aaron is subsequently laughed at by the boys, but D*nny is mad. I don’t want to give this guy any more airtime than he’s already had on national television, so all I’ll say is they talk and Aaron lets it roll off his shoulders because he knows he’s better than this guy. Hopefully I won’t have to mention D*nny for the rest of this recap, because I know the British public will move swiftly to get him on the first flight out of Majorca.

Striptease challenge alert, and this time it’s cat-themed! Set over an EDM remix of “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme,” the girls show everything but their pussycats and make out with their respective men. Notably, Kaz twerks like an icon and AJ hunts Hugo like he’s her prey (which he shouldn’t be too surprised about — he’s dressed as a mouse, after all). Later, Hugo says something’s off about their relationship, and I can already tell where this one’s going: the Graveyard of Hugo’s Broken Relationships, which should honestly have its own plot just outside the front door of the villa.

The Hideaway’s open tonight, and Chloe/Toby are chosen to ruin this poor mattress with strawberry lube once again. Dressed as a cowboy and a cat in some sort of John Wayne/Aristocrats mash-up fantasy, Chloby gets the comforters bumping tonight, and the editors do these guys dirty by zooming in on a soiled tissue on the ground the next morning. Congrats, guys, we made it: I think this was our first handjob of the villa, though you really never know with this crowd.

Unfortunately, I have to mention D*nny again, because he’s making fun of Lucinda’s indecisiveness. Hey, don’t do that — only I can make fun of these women! Good thing it’s time for Snog/Marry/Pie, a.k.a. the British version (or just the Love Island version, who knows) of FMK. Everyone gets cream in their hair, Toby gets pied by Lib and Kaz as a duo and Liberty puts Jake’s ring on the wrong hand, thus restoring my faith in them as the token bimbo couple. In the latest round of incel behavior, D*nny swerves Lucinda and says he “treats them mean to keep ’em keen.” First of all, no. Second of all, no. Third of all, no, please no one internalize this message, everyone deserves to be treated well in a relationship? Shortly after, Lucinda breaks up with him and he compares her to a car, because clearly D*nny can’t go through even one conversation without comparing women to objects. Wiping my hands with you, D*nny, hope Love Island learns something from this.

Toby doesn’t understand why both Liberty and Kaz pied him during the challenge, just like he doesn’t understand why he’s consistently unpopular during the public votes. Maybe because he dumped Kaz, a.k.a. a beam of sunshine and light, for a girl who I’m sure calls group chats names like “the Bad Babes” or, even worse, “the Squad.” He tells them he has no regrets about the way he handled the breakup, and Kaz storms off to the girlies. Faye says very loudly that he treated the situation like shit, and Toby yells at her to speak with him “face-to-face.” Teddy begs for them to stop the violence. Why are you booing her? She’s right! Shortly after, everyone makes up except for Kaz and Toby, because Kaz refuses to look in the same direction as him.

Teddy and Faye get a date! The date team seems to have upped their budget because instead of a picnic table with two glasses of Champagne, the two are going on a bike ride with embarrassingly large white helmets (Faye immediately falls over). At a picnic outside a chapel, they talk about how well the relationship is going and feed each other toasties while “A Little Bit of Love” plays, a song my roommate swears she heard the last time I watched this show.

The boys and girls have decided they need to use metaphors as to not talk about explicit sexual contact on national television. The girls use a convoluted system of educational qualifications known as NVQs, while the boys just talk soccer. Toby revealed he and Chloe had “brought [the game] back for a possible handball” but there had been “flooding on the pitch,” while Liberty says she’s at NVQ1 and Jake’s at NVQ2. Good for you Liberty, you might have beaten Toby and Chloe to the punch!

There’s a ’70s-themed party tonight, though most of the islanders are dressed like aliens and Beach Boys instead of disco dancers. Kaz forgives Toby for saying he has no regrets, while Hugo dumps AJ so she can crack on with D*nny and he can go back to his true passion of hanging out with the boys. The producers have had enough of this, so it’s time for a dumping!

The British public have been voting for their least favorite islanders, and the contestants have to choose who to dump out of the bottom three. The girls with the lowest votes are Lucinda, Chloe, and AJ — no surprise there — and the boys are D*nny, Toby, and Teddy. Teddy, don’t listen to them. You do not deserve to stand next to a literal racist and a man whom the public tries to get out every single week! The islanders send home AJ and D*nny, to no one’s surprise. The two say they’ll see what happens between them in the outside world, but I’m sure once AJ gets ahold of her copy of The Sun, she’ll post an IG story disconnecting with him with a quickness.

Meanwhile, Liberty makes a mistake. Jake puts on two pairs of sunglasses and looks like a magnified bug, so she tells him she loves him, but he’s giving her the ick. Jake immediately jumps on it and Lib tries to backtrack by saying she tells Kaz she loves her too, but Jake won’t let it go and wears the two sunglasses the rest of the night. Listen, if these two make it through Casa Amor, I’m seeing a cheesy (but really cute) girlfriend proposal in their future! (Note: I wrote this before I saw the week’s final episode, and can I just say, Called it?).

Suddenly, three new islanders prance into the villa, and I know the producers worked overtime finding this trio. There’s a natural-looking blonde named Georgia who’s interested in Hugo, a tall hunk of a man named Tyler who’s interested in Kaz, and a pretty tattoo artist named Abigail who’s just interested in causing drama. My prayer circles have been working!!!

Liberty immediately starts grafting Tyler on Kaz’s behalf, and Kaz says she loves her but she’s kicking her out of this conversation. I’m sensing a theme here! Tyler is only interested in Kaz, and I’m literally going to start shaking and crying. They’re such a hot couple already, I want them to go on double dates with Jake and Liberty and win 50,000 pounds!!!!!

The next day, new girl Georgina pulls Hugo for a conversation while wearing a bathing suit that is giving me Hannah Montana swan dress vibes. Meanwhile, other new girl Abi talks with Toby because he looks like Chris Brown, who’s her celebrity crush. Abi — didn’t we cancel him back in 2009? Why are we still lionizing these mediocre men? Either way, it’s now time for the Chloe/Toby/Abi bottle episode/Lifetime movie. I’ll give you the Wikipedia plot summary: Abi keeps talking to Toby, which makes Chloe mad, and Chloe getting mad makes Toby keep talking to Abi, and Abi thinks this is all really rich because of the Kaz situation. Got it? Good. All you really need to know is that Chloe can’t stop crying and Toby can’t stop looking frustrated because this is taking up more brain power than he thought this show would require.

In between the villa imploding, Kaz and Tyler find the time to have their first kiss, which makes me so happy I could just implode, and Hugo dumps Georgia. Does he even understand the point of this show? This is not Hanging Out With Your Mates Island. You had one conversation with her, give the girl a chance!

It’s recoupling time! The Normals get together, and Toby, in some of the first good drama of the entire season, chooses to couple up with Abi. Hugo, for some reason, takes this personally, and goes on a tirade about how Chloe doesn’t deserve to be treated this way while also somehow hitting on her? Poor Georgia is left without a partner, and this girl barely got a full two episodes.

Now it’s time for an episode rehashing everything that just happened, and IMO, neither Toby nor Hugo is fully in the right. Should Toby keep jumping ship whenever a new girl prances over to him in 4.5-inch stilettos? No! But does Hugo have fully pure motives for saving Chloe? Absolutely not! Clearly, Hugo’s trying to drop hints that they should get together, and Chloe’s either too distraught to pick up on them or willfully ignoring them until she can nab a Casa Amor man. Either way, Toby and Hugo hash it out in a conversation where Hugo really brings out his Gym Teacher Conflict Resolution skills, and they agree to disagree about what the right move really is. Toby and Chloe then have a conversation about the recoupling, and they agree to disagree about the fact that Toby’s a twat.

The producers decide it’s time for some really cute couple content to cut through all this fighting, so Millie and Liam get a date. It’s composed mostly of Millie talking about their future while Liam smiles so wide he’s gonna break his cheeks, which is the way I want most of these interactions to go anyways. They decide they want to go traveling together after the show, and Liam admits to the boys after that he’s falling for her. I love this tall couple!!! They can step on me anytime!!!!!!!

It’s been four weeks of Love Island Time, which roughly translates to three months in British Summer Time, so Jake decides it’s time to be official with Liberty. In an elaborate Italian fantasy, the islanders serve them spaghetti bolognese and sing a terrible rendition of “That’s Amore.” He gives her a magnetic bracelet that attaches to his, and he asks her to be his girlfriend. She responds yes and says she loves him (without the but). Liberty!!!! Good for you for opening up!!!!! Jake!!!!! WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY I LOVE YOU BACK??? Good thing it’s almost time for the best time of the year, a.k.a. Casa Amor, to see if this is really “amore”!

Dead Tings

• Weirdest song choices of the week include “Rasputin” and an angsty version of “Somebody That I Used to Know.”

• I don’t know if this is a British thing or a Love Island thing, but the matching “Millie Moo” and “Libby Loo” nicknames for Millie and Liberty are the cutest thing, possibly ever.

• Official count of Olivia Rodrigo references: 4

• Millie pies Jake because he always comes over and interrupts her and Liam in bed, which I’m now noticing is completely true. Just this week, he jumps on them one night and slaps Liam’s ass during another. Jake, take the hint and leave Millie Moo alone!!!

• The middle part looks good on everyone except Hugo.

Love Island U.K. Recap: I Love You, But