Your mission — should you choose to accept it: Reveal the whereabouts of Shelly Miscavige.
Kidding, Tom Cruise. Kidding! Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to gain access to the mechanisms that sway public thought and morality, according to a villain-adjacent sales pitch by Eugene Kittridge (Henry Czerny) in the final trailer for the seventh Mission: Impossible film, which is laboriously called Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part One. That’s some nice punctuation you have there, MI7. Where did you get it — the punctuation store? “Hang on,” “Oh my God,” and “Go, go, go” are just some of the indelible phrases uttered in the new trailer, which also shows us explosions of trains, explosions of green substances, sexy Vanessa Kirby, a bunch of movie-critic quotes about how great it is, and no behind-the-scenes footage of Tom Cruise losing all five feet and seven inches of his shit at the film’s U.K. crew. The movie, should you choose to go see it, comes out July 12, 2023.
This post has been updated.