comedians you should know

Pat Regan Talks Too Fast (for Michigan Lesbians)

Illustration: Franziska Barczyk

This week, we’re highlighting 24 talented writers and performers for Vulture’s annual list “Comedians You Should and Will Know.” Our goal is to introduce a wider audience to the talent that has the comedy community and industry buzzing. (You can read more about our methodology at the link above.) We asked the comedians on the list to answer a series of questions about their work, performing, goals for the future, and more. Next up is Pat Regan.

What would your Real Housewives tagline be?
*Alex McCord voice* “To a certain group of comedians in New York, status is everything.”

What of your work do you think you’re best known for, and what of your work are you most proud of?
I am probably best known for my podcast Seek Treatment With Cat and Pat. When you are best known for your podcast, life can be really special. I am proud of the podcast because sometimes people send me nice messages about it and THAT? Is intoxicating. I am also very proud of my work as a writer on the show Hacks on HBO Max because I like the show very much and I always have wanted to write for a TV show since watching the series finale of Dawson’s Creek wherein Dawson is ostensibly the showrunner of his own autobiographical teen soap called The Creek. There is a scene where he hurriedly walks through the writers’ room and they are all throwing around a Koosh ball debating if the Joey character should end up with the Dawson character or the Pacey character. I felt that looked very fun, and I am so pleased to find that it is EXACTLY what it is like to write for TV.

Tell us one story from your childhood you think explains why you ended up becoming a comedian.
I am from Long Island, and one time in fifth grade, my mom signed me and my brother up to play football even though I hated the outdoors due to being gay. The first practice, someone fell on me and I broke my wrist, so I just stood on the sidelines every game, and one time while I was on the sidelines I looked to my left and saw, literally, Lindsay Lohan (fall of 1998) watching the game also. And I said, “Hey, are you the girl from Parent Trap?”, and she said, “Yeah,” and I said, “That’s cool,” and she said, “Thanks,” and turned back to the game. It was a high like you wouldn’t fucking believe. I knew in that moment that I needed to pursue the limelight, but as someone who can’t sing, dance, or act, I was left with the unenviable option of pursuing stand-up comedy.

If a network green-lit a semi-autobiographical series for you to star in tomorrow, what would your character’s name and job be?
My character’s name would be Pat since that is my name, but if they said it couldn’t be Pat, I would be like, “Okay, something else, I literally don’t care.” His job would probably be something hilarious like “high-school teacher but gay and bad at it.”

If you had to come onstage to just one song for the rest of your life, what song would it be and why?
Ummm, probably “Cool for the Summer” because it is good?

Tell us everything about your worst show ever.
One time I did a Pride festival in Dearborn, Michigan, and the audience was primarily lesbians of a certain age who did not think I was funny (honestly, respect), and I was supposed to do a meet-and-greet after, and it was just a lot of people coming up to me and telling me I talk too fast, which I honestly agree with.

Nominate one comedian you don’t know personally who you think is overdue for wider recognition and why.
I know every single comedian personally. They are all my best friends and they all invite me on vacations all the time. It is near constant, the vacations I am invited on by comedians all over the world.

When it comes to your comedy opinions — about material, performing, audience, the industry, etc. — what hill will you die on?
I probably wouldn’t die on any hills. If I said something about a strongly held belief I have regarding comedy (would literally never do that) and someone disagreed, I would probably say, “Okay, whatever.”

What’s an embarrassingly earnest goal you have?
To win multiple Emmy Awards in one year so there are pictures of me online in front of that step and repeat after the ceremony holding all the Emmys, and it’s almost awkward because they are sort of cumbersome and I am kind of struggling to hold them all and smile at the camera. Phoebe Waller-Bridge vibes. And, of course, to be named a “comic to watch” for as many online publications as possible!!!!!

What is the best comedy advice, and then the worst comedy advice, you’ve ever received, either when you were starting out or more recently?
I do feel like being earnest for this one and giving, like, a real true answer that is sort of insightful but also unexpected, but would you believe I cannot think of a single piece of comedy advice anyone has ever given me in my entire life???

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Pat Regan Talks Too Fast (for Michigan Lesbians)