“Seduce and Scheme” goes from the closet studio to the club as Mia and Shawna join Chastity on a mission to promote the new single. Accompanied by Mia’s friends Alessia and Nelly, the rap duo goes to a club hoping to link with Chastity’s producer friend Sam Sneak. Instructed by Mia to wear an LBD for the opportunity, Shawna sports a calf-length black wrap dress last seen at her grandma’s funeral, complete with a pair of pantyhose to conceal her leg hair. Mia, who is in a minidress that’s more my speed, leaves Melissa with her mom as the group heads to the popular Miami bar Brick.
Chastity’s connections only get them as far as the line after being denied entry by the bouncer because the bar is at capacity. Forced to wait in the sticky Miami heat, Shawna, clearly not on the same page as Mia about making the Duke of Miami their manager, confronts Mia about what exactly Chastity’s role in their career is. Mia reminds Shawna they’ll need all the help they can get to really blow up, but Shawna remains unconvinced after seeing Chastity continuously scam at the hotel. While waiting to get into the bar, Mia checks in with her mom and Melissa. Her mom is the Black Miami equivalent to Amy Poehler in Mean Girls with a drink in her hand, a buff man painting her home shirtless, and her granddaughter nowhere in sight.
Mia’s dad makes his first appearance in this episode via a video call from the jail where he’s serving time for shooting someone. During the call, Mia plays “Seduce and Scheme” for him, making him proud because he’s a rapper himself, going by the name E-Block. You can hear a shout-out to his stage name in Mia’s verse. It’s obvious her dad has been away for a while; he tells her he can see “Seduce and Scheme” on the long-gone but forever culturally important 106 & Park. He tells her that his lawyer is trying to set up a hearing to get him released sooner than later, hopefully in time to experience her next drop in person. When Mia relays this information to her mom, she receives a speech about not letting her dad get her hopes up and instead holding out hope that the house painter could be her new dad (this joke doesn’t land well with Mia).
Shawna’s skepticism about Chastity is justified after they finally get into Brick, only to be met by a dead turn-up and no Sam Sneak. Never caught without a few tricks up her sleeve, Chastity leads them to the next spot. Before they head out, Alessia offers a few party favors in the form of some blue capsule pills that everyone but Chastity partakes in. On the way to the club, Chastity spots a black Nissan with a Miami Heat logo, the same vehicle as the man who robbed one of her girls, and abruptly begins to follow the car. They arrive at some housing projects just as the molly starts to kick in. Shawna starts flushing with heat with Nelly suffering from cotton mouth and Alessia keeping the cameras rolling. Chastity leaves the other women in the car, slipping a small handgun in Mia’s lap, then enters the complex, provoking Shawna’s drug-addled brain to scream, “Is that a gun?!”
To the tune of Alessia singing “She’s a runner, she’s a track star,” Shawna scurries into the surrounding trees before her bladder gives out on her. As she relieves herself, she makes a video to send to Cliff, who hasn’t responded to her texts since hearing “Seduce and Scheme.” His reaction to the song was less than supportive; he sent her a voice memo asking why she was “dumbing herself down” with the pivot from conscious rap to bad-bitch rap. The video includes Shawna squatting near a thick — or should I say thicc — tree before proclaiming, “Cliff, I’m in the projects, and I’m all alone right now. Who knows what could happen to me?” Relatable! Who hasn’t urinated in the projects while high and begun questioning their life choices?
Still in the car, Mia, Nelly, and Alessia hear Shawna scream. Mia hops out, gun in tow, prepared to save her friend, to find Shawna’s high ass holding a stray dog. The dog probably has an owner, but any dog that I don’t personally know is considered a stray in my book. Shawna, Mia, and a frustrated Chastity return to the car as someone is trying to steal the rims … while Nelly and Alessia are seated with the top down. Fed up, Mia rightfully calls Chastity out for putting them in such a fried situation, telling her not to get other people wrapped up in something that has nothing to do with them. It’s unclear what happened while Chastity was in the complex, but she apologizes to Mia, and they embark on their journey to the next spot, the strip club E11ven.
Although a review for the real-life club asserts it’s a must-visit location in Miami, it also reads: “Going to E11even is like embarking on an advanced whitewater rafting trip. You need to know what you’re getting into and mentally prepare or else things can go very badly, very quickly.” Rap Sh!t’s depiction of E11even matches the online description: Chastity pulls strings (pays someone) to get in the door and secure them a table — as long as she buys three bottles minimum. Her connect confirms Sam Sneak’s attendance, and they go inside to their “table,” which is the size of my nightstand, that’s situated directly outside the bathroom door.
Approaching Sam Sneak’s section, Chastity does her best to get behind the velvet rope and talk business. Sneak and his team are blatantly uninterested, viewing Chastity merely as a connect to prostitutes. Thinking on her feet, Chastity tells them the real reason she’s there is on behalf of the DJ, who wants to send them a complimentary bottle. She sends a bottle over with her own money, then goes to the DJ booth and slips one of the DJs a copy of “Seduce and Scheme,” saying Sneak requested the song. Her plan works, and the DJ plays the song, garnering an excited response from clubgoers and an impromptu tabletop performance from Shawna and Mia. Chastity posts footage of the moment, tagging Sam Sneak, once again fake flexing to gain clout.
Thankfully, before Chastity gets the DJ to play “Seduce and Scheme,” Shawna goes to the bathroom and does something about her outfit. She transforms from front-desk secretary to bad bitch, ripping her tights and letting her bra play peek-a-boo. The molly still running through her system, Shawna is feeling herself, to say the least, and runs into Maurice on the dance floor, where heated in the moment, they go from small talk to grinding. Mia is elsewhere, trying to get ahold of her mom to check on her daughter to no avail. She vents to Shawna, saying she feels unfulfilled, convinced her life will go one of two ways: in jail or perpetually in the streets. She aspires for more, not only for herself but for Melissa. Shawna steps up to support her friend, emphasizing how great a mom Mia is and vowing to make their dreams come true.
When the night ends, Mia and Shawna are still on a high from hearing their song at E11even. Alessia and Nelly go their separate ways, and Chastity, thinly spread by the amount of money she’s spent, gives Mia and Shawna one of her last bills to get tacos at a food truck. Cliff calls Shawna while they wait for their meals and offers an excuse for his silence, stating he was “in the library all day.” Shawna believes him and tells Mia she needs to go to New York to visit him, and Mia agrees, stating there’s someone (her sugar daddy) who wants to see her. I don’t know about y’all, but I can’t wait to see my girls in NYC.
Bad Bitch Banter
• The writing this week is on point! From Nelly saying Shawna is giving “nonprofit vibes” in her church dress to Alessia saying the Afro wig would set Shawna’s pantyhose off, the writers set a great comedic tone. But the funniest moment was Nelly’s man sending a Post Mates to deliver her Plan B and getting proof of her taking it. Romance isn’t dead!
• Chastity’s unpredictability, and quickly dwindling pockets, make me worried about her association with Mia and Shawna. The final scene includes Chastity applying what looks like Neosporin to a cut, hinting that maybe something physical happened at the complex.
• I understand that part of the directing style of the show is to incorporate their activity on their phones, but if I had a friend who recorded me as much as Alessia, we would be having a long talk.