The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip: Ex-Wives Club Recap: Face of an Angel, Mouth of a Serpent

The Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip

Dazed and Excused
Season 2 Episode 3
Editor’s Rating 5 stars

The Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip

Dazed and Excused
Season 2 Episode 3
Editor’s Rating 5 stars
Photo: Peacock

I don’t think I can fully articulate how pleased I am to be recapping this episode of the season, as the women went to one of my favorite places: the dispensary. During their trip into Great Barrington, my girl Eva took the ladies to purchase some THC treats to further enjoy her time at Blue Stone Manor. Eva is the only real smoker out of the group, leaving with a big bag of goodies, while the rest of the women are more hesitant to partake in the experience, except Brandi who is prepared to dabble. Knowing what I know about the ladies from my years of being a fan, I’m not surprised by their aversion. However, in the past years, marijuana use has crept more and more into the franchises. Heather and Shannon on RHOC love their THC-infused gummies and Kyle Richard’s husband, Mauricio, definitely enjoys a little puff puff pass.

I’m with Eva; I would need copious amounts of weed to handle over 24 hours with Vicki Gunvalson. It’s been a while since we’ve seen the OG of the OC in action, but she hasn’t given up her schtick. What would a cast trip with Vicki be without her going to the hospital? Fresh off her breakup with Steve and a bout of COVID, she’s arrived in the Berkshires on her worst behavior. Irritable and chronically ill, Vicki has already had friction with Brandi and Dorinda and we’re only on day three. Dorinda’s beef with Vicki is under the guise of supporting Brandi, but I think Dorinda clocked Vicki’s personality after the vaccination conversation.

After returning to the manor, Vicki insists on seeing the production medic to get what looked like Vix rubbed under her nose and then going to the hospital for a steroid shot. For someone who is so wary of the vaccine, she has a lot of trust in modern medicine. She ends up getting antibiotics for a diagnosed sinus infection, so I’ll give her that. Jill, of course, only adds fuel to the fire with her consistent comments about how bad Vicki looks, much to Dorinda’s annoyance. It’s hard to remember that Dorinda and Jill have a decades-long relationship as there have been so many snide comments between the women. Or maybe their long history has led up to this animosity. We’ll see.

Dorinda doesn’t let Vicki’s illness rain on the parade and moves forward with Field Day (after a moment of silence for the not-deceased Vicki). I’m always down for Housewife games, and this one surely delivered. Incorporating elements of each franchise, Dorinda created an obstacle course that involves finding diamonds, golden apples, and squeezing oranges. My money was on Tamra to win, but my Atlanta ladies [insert plug to read my recaps of RHOA] made me proud with Eva coming in first place with Phaedra closely behind. Brandi’s high-ass lagging behind everyone versus Eva zipping through the course is a perfect example of me on a sativa versus an indica.

The activities on Dorinda’s itinerary continue with the lasagna off between the lady of the manor and Miss Brandi. One thing Housewives has proven to me time and time again is why I’m wary about eating at other people’s houses. Between Kyle’s dog eating off plates this season on RHOBH and Dorinda licking her fingers while serving the lasagna … I’m sorry, I just can’t. My West Indian grandmother would disapprove. I’m already finicky about food and adding saliva, human or animal, completely repulses me. Plus, COVID??? Now isn’t the time to be swapping spit. To make matters worse, Brandi’s lasagna included lemon juice, sugar, cabernet, and celery? As Phaedra remarked, “if there’s going to be a mystery ingredient in a dish, a white lady is going to put it in there.” Dorinda’s lasagna won by a landslide, with Marco saying absolutely no one went back for seconds for Brandi’s. (Eva even called it “enchilada pie.”) To Brandi’s defense, Dorinda did have an entire team of people helping her with her dish, and I’d rather have a Basquiat than a Monet, but I digress.

Beyond losing the lasagna war, Brandi has been having a rough time on the trip so far. She’s been a wild card since she joined the Beverly Hills cast in its second season, and despite her claims to have progressed and matured since her time on the show, sloppy Brandi is still coming out to play. No, not to the point where we’re getting pictures with her tampon string hanging out, but her mouth is getting her in trouble. Dorinda describes Brandi as having the face of an angel and the mouth of the serpent. I can definitely relate, as my sense of humor doesn’t always land well, but Brandi does need to work on how she talks to others she’s not close to. Adding a filter to respect other people’s boundaries isn’t expecting her to change who she is; it’s more about manners. I think Brandi’s bark is forever worse than her bite, mostly because her vocabulary and communication style is very brash. That’s fine within her circle of friends if that’s what they do, but you can’t call acquaintances bitches and tell them to shut the fuck up and expect it to go down well. She and Vicki see some resolution in the episode and even share a hug, though Brandi does say she can’t promise not to use foul language again. That’s fair and a step in the right direction.

Regardless of Brandi rubbing several feathers, she’s gotten close with Phaedra and Eva, dubbing themselves “The Cookout Crew,” and started a bond with Tamra while Vicki was in the hospital. The good vibes are shortly lived with things between Brandi and Eva going left. But let’s rewind a bit before we get into that. To cap off the evening, the ladies have a game night. Brandi tries to lighten the mood with some (inflatable) dick and conversations about ass play, thoroughly breaking the ice. Next up, they play a confession card game. It’s clear Brandi is getting increasingly more intoxicated, and maybe higher, as the game progresses. Out comes the mouth of the serpent.

Brandi has not been on the show since 2016, so I wonder if the adjustment to being back on camera is contributing to her already unfiltered behavior. When Jill pulls a card that asks what disappoints her about her father (Hmm, what a mood-lightening conversation topic), Brandi cryptically warns Jill to watch what she says because they’re on national television. Dorinda’s sarcastic retort is hilarious, but she takes it too far by letting it bother her so much, accurate to Eva’s “Dornado” nickname for her. Dorinda has seriously taken her role as host to heart and is having trouble going with the flow when things don’t go her way.

Next, Eva pulls a card that asks a question about her husband and Brandi further digs herself in a hole by commenting how she expected Eva’s spouse to be a “mangina.” Earlier in the episode, Brandi met Michael via FaceTime, and apparently, she assumed he wouldn’t be so hot because he takes care of his kids and holds his own. It’s giving projection. Eva is not having it and wearily checks Brandi as she should. On that note, the ex-wives conclude the evening and decompress from the absurdity of Brandi’s comments. Naturally, the episode ends with Vicki choking on a pill and saying she saw Jesus.

Blue Stone Manner Bulletin

• With Vicki in the hospital, Tamra gets an opportunity to bond with the ladies without her partner in crime. I’ve always liked Tamra way more than Vicki, and the ex-wives clearly agree, pointing out how she often succumbs to Vicki’s behavior.

• Jill straight-up lying to Brandi and Dorinda about their lasagnas being hot and delicious was such a Jill moment.

• I for sure need to get one of those “buy weed from Black women” totes and visit that crystal shop. Also, that story about Phaedra attracting a devil worshipper after using a yoni egg had me cackling.

• I’m really enjoying Eva on this trip and if you’re reading this, girl, hit me up, let’s smoke. From one woman with locs to another, this representation on Housewives is something I never thought I’d see. And I love her daughter Marley’s locs too! However, did anyone else notice her absence at the Peacock premiere event?

• At first, when Brandi said she had never bought weed before and that it’s just been given to her, I didn’t believe her because of how much she’s partied. But apparently, on Celebrity Big Brother, Brandi said that her dad used to grow weed and she and her siblings would sell it for him. And then they blackmailed their dad to get money. So, maybe she has always had a plug.

The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip: Ex-Wives Club Recap