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Where Succession Got That Headphones Sex Joke From

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When Tom presses Greg for deets on Lukas Matsson, for the hot goss among Matsson’s own cadre of Greglettes, our poor cousin has very little to offer. But there is one thing: Matsson has sex wearing noise-canceling headphones. Rather than be an engaged partner in the physical act of love, he listens to podcasts. Let’s leave aside any remarks about trying to finish sex quicker by doing it at 1.5x speed, because this joke has a deep lore behind it. It’s not as storied a tale as “Who Jackie,” but a certain celeb has long been rumored to bedroom with headphones on: Leonardo DiCaprio, a.k.a. head honcho of the Pussy Posse, the Logan’s Run of dating, star of Don’s Plum

The DiCaprio Sex Method was first given print space in 2016, in British tabloid OK! (preserved digitally by Jezebel). The headline ran “LEO HOLLYWOOD’S LAZIEST LOVER!” and described a “romp” between Leo and a “recent conquest.” Apparently in the middle of banging, Leo “reached for his vaporizer and a pair of noise-canceling headphones, laid back and closed his eyes and signaled for her to keep going.” First off, how weird is it to see a vape get called its full name? Is it in trouble? Jezebel’s Bobby Finger (you more likely know him as Who? Weekly’s Bobby Finger) says the story is very similar to one they’d heard about a friend of a friend of a friend who’d slept with DiCaprio.

Leo’s sex headphones are among the great alleged pieces of gossip, a Richard Gere–and-the-gerbil of the 21st century. It sits comfortably in the Gossip Hall of Fame with Derek Jeter’s post-coital gift baskets, James Corden’s transatlantic flight, and Paris Hilton’s vintage radio collection.

The Leo rumor and the Lukas intel diverge in what they’re listening to while not paying attention to their lover. The tabloid claims Leo was listening to MGMT, apparently already trying to get the indie-sleaze revival going way back in 2016. (At a party, I once heard a different variation on what was in DiCaprio’s headphones. Instead of bumping “Time to Pretend,” I’d heard he listened to recordings of women crying. But my source is even less reliable than Cousin Greg.) Greg says Lukas listens to podcasts, which opens up a whole other can of worms. Which podcasts, Greg? We have some guesses.

Hey Riddle Riddle: Your gut instinct is to assume a business bro like Matsson would listen to business podcasts, right? Wrong! Biz pods are for consumers of business info, not for tycoons. Meanwhile, a podcast that encourages lateral thinking like this riddle improv show would be CEO catnip. It’s Microsoft Job Interview Questions: the Podcast.
The Basement Yard: Like everyone else, clips of this podcast has clogged Matsson’s TikTok feed lately, and you know what? It seems cute. The complete opposite of Lukas’s alienated existence is these two bros being amiable at each other.
Men In Blazers: Sweden’s big into soccer, right?
Call Her Daddy: Red Scare might not exist in the Succession-verse, for cast overlap reasons, so Call Her Daddy is the “girl” pod Matsson is most likely to know/follow. There was a period when he couldn’t finish unless Julia Fox said she was Josh Safdie’s muse in Unka Jamz.
➽ Joe Rogan: self-explanatory.

This article originally appeared in Succession Clubour subscriber-exclusive newsletter obsessing over all the minutaie of the final season. Existing subscribers can visit this page to sign up. If you’re not a subscriber yet, get started here.

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Where Succession Got That Headphones Sex Joke From