As I predicted last week, the Jamaica night three dinner cliffhanger was indeed overdramatized and anticlimactic. Though Kenya insists that Ross was overly aggressive, after shutting the conversation down, he leaves the table and takes a walk with Sanya. In his confessional, Ross explains that he couldn’t help but stand up for his wife in this situation. Blinded by his handsomeness, seeing him go up for his woman was attractive to me, but as an objective Housewives commentator, I have to say that a man jumping into women’s arguments is obnoxious and usually unnecessary. The worst thing a Househusband can do is join the ranks of PK, Peter, or Ken Todd by inserting themselves into the drama. When the wives are going at it, they are doing the job they were hired to do, and it is not the time for some random man to swoop in valiantly and patronize the group. What do they think their spouses signed up for?
The dinner conversation continues following Sanya and Ross’s exit with Kenya harping on being “disinvited” to the iFit video shoot. Kenya and Shereé’s perspective is that Sanya should have catered to them as her guests, ensuring their transportation to the shoot. Sanya, who was very clear about the time the bus would be leaving, doesn’t understand why the miscommunication has led to an attack on her hosting duties. Kenya even admits that Sanya told the entire group what time to be ready, so it’s unclear why she still considers the van leaving without her as a personal slight — especially when production footage clearly shows her attempting to leave for the shoot twenty minutes later than the time she was given. Kenya goes as far as saying it’s suspect that Marlo was able to go to the iFit shoot, somehow not connecting the dots that maybe Marlo simply arrived at the time she was supposed to arrive. To think that Sanya would deliberately exclude Shereé and Kenya or to expect her to babysit grown women to make sure they have their asses on a van at the right time is more of a testament to Kenya’s ego than Sanya’s. This is ironic since Kenya accuses Sanya of having an inflated ego the next day.
Only Kandi comes to Sanya’s defense, stating that the whole situation was a misunderstanding that wasn’t even as deep as everyone is making it. She also points out that Kenya isn’t the hostess with the mostest herself: we all remember the unhinged South Carolina Bolo trip, a.k.a. the time she invited everyone to stay together, made them ride on a sprinter while she flew private, and then fed them once a day. I wholeheartedly agree with Kandi, but Kenya and Drew use it as an opportunity to express their contempt toward Sanya. Meanwhile, Sanya feels unsupported by Shereé, believing she flip-flopped and aligned herself with Kenya, ignoring their budding friendship. Hmmm, sounds like what Sanya did to Drew earlier in the season. Sanya’s alliances have been all over the place, a common mistake for new Housewives who are thirsty to engage in as many storylines as possible during their freshman season. She jumps from being Drew’s new friend to buddying up with Kenya and Kandi, to forming what she perceived as a Three Muskateers situation with Shereé and Marlo. But by doing so, she’s put herself in a precarious situation within an already extremely polarized cast. When tension inevitably erupts, Sanya is forced to pick a side, alienating her from the party that is left feeling unsupported.
On the other side of the country, in their cousin franchise RHOBH, Erika claimed that Garcelle’s friendship with Sutton is a liability to her popularity within the cast. I call bullshit, but that’s not my city to discuss. However, I believe the real liability is anyone who befriends Marlo Hampton. Sanya and Marlo’s relationship somehow continues to grow despite Marlo acting out on numerous occasions while Sanya was present (I’m waiting for one week where I don’t shit talk Marlo but the odds of that are very low). Her friendship and defense of Marlo affect her relationships with the other women, specifically Kenya, who she continues to bump heads with at the island’s final dinner. After feeling shade from Kenya for most of the dinner, Sanya straight up asks her what her problem is. Kenya rebukes the accusation of being shady by … being even shadier. Exasperated from continuously failing to meet Kenya’s expectations, Sanya tries to go toe to toe with RHOA’s reigning queen of reads. Like Marlo, Sanya is in over her head trying to keep up with one of the veterans, so much so Kenya calls her inarticulate and says her attitude is in the toilet. I fully understand Sanya’s side, but her inability to hold her own against Kenya’s mouth and provide concrete examples gave me secondhand embarrassment. Next time tag me in Sanya; I’ve got my notes ready.
Kenya and Sanya are not the only ones to discuss their problems at the black, green, and gold dinner. Marlo and Kandi continued their unfinished business following another tense day of Marlo attempting to brush things under the rug with Kandi. Earlier in the day, since Sanya has another shoot for iFit, she bestows the hosting responsibilities onto Ms. Hampton, trusting her to lead the group to go bamboo rafting. Pretty much everyone, myself included, ignores Marlo as she tries to corral them into following her lead. Sometimes when she speaks in a certain tone my ears automatically tune her out so I can only imagine how well Kandi can ignore her. Solidifying the shittiness of Marlo’s leadership, a bird flies by and poops on the lunch table. Not that this phased Kandi, who never misses a meal or a bag, which she proved by using her time floating down the river in a bamboo raft to make business calls. Honestly, I would have been doing the same.
Escaping the shit-splattered lunch, Marlo heads outside and confides in Monyetta and Shereé while Kandi, Todd, and Kenya separate themselves. She tells Monyetta she stands by challenging Ralph’s decision to not adopt Josiah but she regrets lashing out when Kandi brought up the situation with her nephews. In her confessional, she blames people questioning her odd decision to kick her nephews out as her reasoning behind not opening up, completely ignoring her own tendency to be cruel about other people’s situations. Thankfully her hosting duties come to an end when Sanya returns from work and joins the group to go bamboo rafting (or, as Kenya calls it, the Golden Girls version of white water rafting).
Drew, recovering from her injury, is back at the hotel with Ralph and is unable to pull it together in time for dinner. Everyone else picks out Jamaican flag-themed outfits for the last supper. Marlo and Kandi end up matching in ruffled tops, but the camaraderie stops there. Bone collector Shereé urges Marlo to wrap up her fight with Kandi right there at the table, setting off another back and forth. Both women double down on their sides of the argument, Kandi saying fuck Michelle Obama’s advice; if someone goes low, she’s going lower. But, by the end of the conversation, they agree to continue to support each other from afar. Truly, I wouldn’t mind seeing Kandi go even lower. Let’s forget their fried chicken truce and get it shaking for the reunion. That being said, I’m going to close my computer and get a fried chicken sandwich. See you guys next week for more shenanigans from Shereé.
Peach Tea To-Go
• Drew’s injury cracks me up. Anytime there’s a Housewife in a boot or wheelchair or anything, I’m all for it — except for Vicki Gunvulson.
• Marlo’s confessional outfits are so hit or miss, and it also seems like she has more of them than other cast members (or am I just imagining it because I’m over her?), which is unfortunate because we’ve been subjected to this awful top with the dead FAO Schwartz stuffed tiger slung over her shoulder.
• SHE by Shereé is a mess, truly. Sonja toaster oven 2.0. Her “partners” or “consultants” or whoever she’s always calling seem like hired actors, and how does she still not have samples three weeks out from the “presentation”??? A fashion show without fashions … how dreadful.