Pick out your favorite loungewear and pour yourself a drink because it’s time to indulge in a Real Housewives pajama party. In Atlanta, PJ parties of the past have set a notorious precedent, with season six’s Pillow Talk and season 13’s Bolo adventure having solidified their spot in Housewives lore. Tonight, Shereé hosts the women for a sleepover-themed night filled with copious amounts of alcohol, food, coochie incense, and plenty of drama. The theme is shades of nude, which, according to Shereé, represents “stripping off the negativity of past relationships and bearing it all.”
Everyone files into Shereé’s grayscale-decorated Chateau/mausoleum, the cement-colored walls echoing the ladies’ voices throughout the massive estate. All of the ladies are invited as well as Monyetta, a few of Shereé’s friends, and OG Lisa Wu, all dressed to impress in sleep attire worthy of a Nude Interlude Pt. 2. Kandi Legs and Hips and Body Burruss donned the shortest of shorts with thigh-high boots, Kenya stunned in a white silk slip dress, and Shereé and Drew even matched in MCM jammies and lacy bras. The first activity of the slumber party is a “sip and paint.” I use that term loosely as it is just them coloring in crudely drawn sketches of veiny dicks, abs, and asses. Two half-naked — and eventually fully naked — live models appear with a spanking paddle, and I think they were a couple from how they were touching each other while unclothed. Just another week in Atlanta, I guess.
While two naked people wander around Shereé’s basement touching each other’s bodies, Kenya steadily becomes increasingly inebriated. I love drunk Kenya. This is what letting your hair down and having a good time looks like, not mixing pills with alcohol and cussing at 14-year-olds (*cough cough* Erika Jayne). From her “Yas Queen!” game to poking fun at her wig, Kenya shows a side of herself I can genuinely see being friends with. She’s silly, positive (mostly), and still does her job stirring the pot. Of course, the evening isn’t all rainbows, Champagne, and soft porn. Before Drew arrives, Shereé’s friend, Fatum, shares that she had an associate who works in real estate run a background check on the Pittmans. Fatum is the same woman who informed Drew about her assistant saying Ralph is gay. Apparently, the background check revealed that Drew and Ralph have as many as 12 aliases? My best friend Drunk Kenya drops this information over dinner, putting Drew in the hot seat.
To understand Drew’s excessive defensiveness, we have to go back to the beginning of the episode. In an irritating déjà vu moment from last season, Drew again uses spiritual leaders to stir up mess. This time, her mom relays a message from a “prophet Jew” via a voice-recording warning Drew of an “adversary” with the spirit of a woman. Bravo needs to add a clause in Drew’s contract forbidding “prophets” from her storyline. In addition to her paranoia of an adversarial female spirit, during the sip and paint, she confronts Sanya about some shade directed at Ralph insinuating the couple isn’t as busy as they say they are. Sanya isn’t the only one with this sentiment; when she heard about the background check, Kandi compared Ralph to Tommy from Martin.
After hearing about the background check, Drew concludes that Fatum is the spirit she should be watching out for. Honestly, the spirit she needs to keep an eye on is her husband’s. On top of the gas lighting, the flirty assistants, and trips to Tampa, why is Ralph writing a book about step-parenting … without first telling the mother of his step-child? None of it adds up. Well, I guess since his assistant/masseuse/literary agent got him the deal, it does make sense that Drew wasn’t privy. Regardless, Drew is ten toes down for her man and clears up one of the aliases, Danielle. Drew says that Danielle is one of their assistants, not a fake identity. I don’t know much about scamming and aliases, but something is off. Also, how many assistants does this family need?
Like the spotlight being put on Drew regarding her husband’s shenanigans, one thing we can always count on is Kenya and Marlo arguing at a group event. At first, Marlo states that she enjoys drunk Kenya but throws an underhanded comment regarding Kenya embracing her wig, saying she’s happy Kenya’s self-esteem has “come up.” Kenya’s response? Reminding us that she is the moment, to which Marlo responds, “Not to your baby daddy.” Jesus. Marlo has been on this Earth for almost four decades and still struggles to have good manners. While furniture shopping with Sanya and Shereé, Marlo even admits that she’s genuinely incapable of not going below the belt with Kenya. At least she’s self-aware, but let’s work on accountability and maturity Ms. Hampton.
Actually, one thing I never really noticed about Marlo is her self-awareness. She’s very much in tune with her emotions, even though she doesn’t know how to express and defend herself healthily. This self-awareness is apparent in her relationship with her nephews. During furniture shopping, Marlo tells Shereé and Sanya she kicked the boys out for 30 days because of their bad behavior. She sent them to her little sister’s house, stating she needed a break to prevent her from doing something she may regret. Things are so bad she’s in therapy to get support. Again, she’s aware of her emotional needs but fails to solve the problem appropriately.
I’m not a parent, but I am an aunt and older sister to five Black boys and what I do know is the deep-seated worry I carry with me everywhere. Just last week, Jayland Walker, a young man in my city, the same city where my nephews and brothers live, was shot over 90 times by police officers after an attempted traffic stop. Ninety times. This world isn’t safe for Black boys. No, this doesn’t mean her nephews have the right to act out without discipline, but I believe it’s important she considers why they may be acting out, especially because of recent events with their mother. Kicking them out seems extreme. However, I’m always one to see both sides; it’s not like she kicked them out on the street with nowhere to go. And technically, she isn’t their parent, so maybe this is her form of “tough love” to get them to see how privileged they are to live with her. When it comes down to it, though, I agree with Kandi; there’s got to be a better way. Telling them to leave like that could make things worse, and staying through the bad times is a part of what it means to step in as a caregiver. Above all else, our Black boys need support and love.
Peach Tea To-Go
• What would a slumber party be without … coochie incense? Fatum brought incense to the event that is meant to stick to pubic hair and dispel any negative energy from the yoni. Production nailed the editing of the scene, but Drew annoyed me by calling it “witchcraft” and a ceremony of “Black magic.” Girl, aren’t you the same one who is listening to prophets? Demonizing any spirituality that isn’t Christianity or another mainstream religion is so xenophobic and, at times, anti-Black when it’s directed toward traditional African spirituality.
• Shereé and Tyrone are too much. I know that Housewives exists in a universe without time (unless the time is necessary for the storyline), but I don’t believe they happened to get a blog alert about the situation while she was conveniently doing a podcast episode with her daughter.
• Now knowing Marlo’s nephew stole back his laptop and hid it under the giant teddy bear, I think he was cutting its neck in an attempt to hide things inside the bear. Or maybe that’s just what my little brothers would do.
• Obviously, I got to Googling because how does Ralph make his money? According to his LinkedIn profile, Ralph is a “client executive” at Gartner, a company that provides business consulting. His website states that he’s also a speaker and the creator of My Mind Music for Kids, a system that helps children reach REM sleep faster. The site features fake deep quotes from Ralph that read like a satirical self-help book. Things like, “Victory belongs to the person that doesn’t allow stories to taint their perception.” Or, my personal favorite, “Conviction is where fear, doubt, and options don’t exist.” Not sure how many people are booking Ralph for motivational speaking or how busy business consulting is, but evidence of employment is there. And I’ll never forget: “Without struggle triumph is nonexistent.” LOL.