Brian Boone has written about comedy for Vulture since 2018 and previously wrote for Splitsider.

  1. The Movie Pitch for ‘Horse in Motion’ (1878), by Collin Gossel Oh wow, Mr. Muybridge, what a coincidence running into you here! I don’t want to interrupt your dinner, but listen, I’ve got this great […]
  2. That’s the Last Time I Plan an Art Heist on Facebook Events, by Bizzy Coy Alphonse, Natasha, and Mister Fingers, I write this letter with a heavy heart. I thought we were friends—no, more than friends. […]
  3. On Ilana Becker and That IBS Pill CommercialSo I was watching the season finale of Crashing, the one where Pete Holmes goes to a big outdoor adult baptism. One of the people getting […]
  4. An Excerpt from ‘The Official Handbook of the Bowieverse,’ by Alex Firer […] Alex Firer has written for The Onion, The Onion News Network, Paste Magazine, and can be seen every fourth Wednesday at the […]
  5. They Can’t All Be Spider-Man: Your Handy Guide to B-Level Super-Powered […] The Stupendous Bee Woman. College student Sheila Sherwood is stung by a bee that had been exposed to mysterious rays of ultra-dimensional […]
  6. Defending ‘Mortdecai,’ the Best Comedy That Critics Love to HateThe 2015 Johnny Depp movie Mortdecai is a wild, madcap character comedy powered by the presence of a leading man who loses himself with gleeful […]
  7. Your Application To Cryobank NYC Has Been Denied, by Harris Mayersohn and […] Dear Potential Donor: Unfortunately, your application to donate sperm to the New York City Cryobank has been reviewed and rejected. While we […]
  8. Hierarchy of the White House, by Don PlattnerWith the new administration taking control of the White House, it’s important to understand the chain of command. As such, here’s a chart to […]
  9. Revisiting Larry Miller’s Classic Bit ‘The Five Levels of Drinking’How could anybody have anything new to say about the near-universal human experience of getting drunk and acting stupid? Larry Miller found a way.
  10. We Tried All The Abandoned Kitchens in This Post-Apocalyptic Brownstone So […] I know it, you know it, we all know it: eating out in this nuclear winter really sucks. We’ve all rummaged our way through the same abandoned […]
  11. Cormac McCarthy Rents ‘Tin Cup’ from a Blockbuster Video, by Patrick Coyne He stood and looked over the building. He had his fist clenched at his chest. He entered. Dust and ash everywhere. The crushing emptiness of […]
  12. For Your Consideration: Bruce McCulloch’s Wonderful Autobiographical […]Last fall, the day after the election, I went to Canada. These events are unrelated—the trip was pre-planned, but I got to experience a very […]
  13. An Excerpt from ‘Danger…With a Hard G’ by Matthew David Brozik “You won’t mind if I ask to see some identification, I’m sure. It’s precinct policy.” The cheerfulness of the property clerk behind the […]
  14. 15 Rules to Follow While You Are Inside My Time Machine, by Michael A. […] 1. Never ever roll down the window and stick your head out like a dog. There will be thousands of antique clocks spinning around within […]
  16. Harry Potter and the Lost Generation, by Julien Darmoni In the days after you first broke through London on the express and found the true country with the poppies and the rains and the Forbidden […]
  17. Typical New Yorkers, by Jeremy Glass Kitty Beans Kitty grew up in the West Village during a time where even looking in the direction of the subway could get you beaten, mugged, […]
  18. Howie, by Noell Wolfgram Evans I was upside down in a garbage can. It was raining. Howie Mandel was missing. Digging deep into the darkness, fighting past the stench of […]
  19. The Most Useless Animals in the World, by Max Schwartz I love animals, but let’s face it, many are dumb, and some are quite useless. These are the five most useless. 1. The Rhinoceros. I hate […]
  20. If We Bring Manufacturing Jobs Back to the U.S., Do I Still Have to Put […] Our nation has seen considerable changes to its economic landscape over the past half century. Factories have closed their doors one after […]
  21. Get to Know Your New Smartwatch!, by Dan Dillabough Health. Connectivity. Fitness. Peace of mind. And so much more. Your new smartwatch is here —and before long, you won’t remember how you ever […]
  22. The Bodyguard: Punjab Resigns as Head of Warbucks Security Detail, by […] Dear Daddy Warbucks, Please excuse the tear-stained condition of this letter. Contrary to my stoic exterior, I, Punjab, am an emotional […]
  23. On Behalf of Airway Airlines, Thank You For Choosing Us and Knowingly […] Hello, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard Flight 666 with non-stop service from Boston to San Francisco. […]
  24. The 10 Best Sneezes of 2016, by Jonathan Zeller 10. Marie, May 3, at the office The sound: “Choo!” Why it was one of the best: This dainty, feminine sneeze reminded us why we love […]
  25. The Comforting, Un-Analyzable Kids in the Hall2016 was a very, very bad year no matter how you slice it. In tough times, comedy is often a form of escape that people turn to when they need […]
  26. Last-Minute Gift Ideas Sure to Streamline Your Rise to Power, by Cody Ziler Believe it or not, the holidays are right around the corner: that time of year when we count our blessings, celebrate with food and song, and […]
  27. The Best Comedy Books of 2016 Now what we’ve got here is an embarrassment of riches. There were so many truly funny books released this year, and funny books with […]
  28. Electrical Appliances I Would Make Sweet Love To, If Required, by Sarah […] A dishwasher. I don’t have a dishwasher of my own, mind you, but I would crawl into someone else’s and ride it straight to Pound Town, given […]
  29. I Am the Official Boatman of the Hudson River, by Luke Strickler One of the things they don’t tell you about being a boatman is how to handle the power. No one comes up to you and explains how you are now […]
  30. The Dominatrix Dungeon Intern Gets Disciplined, by Bizzy Coy Tascha, can I speak with you for a moment? As you know, everyone here at Lady Havoc’s House of Pain is glad you decided to intern with us […]
  31. Inventions I Plan on Pitching to Powerful Venture Capitalists, by Jeremy […] • Go Gravy!: A fully portable, on-the-go gravy maker that you plug into your car. Unplug and douse your turkey when you get home, or pop open […]
  32. The Harem Guards Will Rock You, Eventually, Maybe, by Jerry Renek WANTED: Lead guitar whose playing style is not self-described as “an erotic fever dream of liquefied awesome.” WANTED: Bass player. […]
  33. An Honest Concession Speech, by Asterios Kokkinos and Hana Michels My friends, we have come to the end of a long campaign. Although it’s not the result we wanted, the people have spoken. It was a hard fought […]
  34. Death Eater Monuments Are a Matter of Heritage, Not Hate, by Mike Jungman My esteemed colleagues of the Ministry of Magic, my name is Draco Malfoy and I speak to you today in opposition to Resolution 392, which […]
  35. Judge Doom’s Toon Execution Room, by Geoffrey Golden Dream It! Screw It! “collects” 30 years worth of notes, sketches, and plans for Disney park attractions conceived by Walt Disney’s idiot […]
  36. The Underground Cartoonist’s Guide to Drawing Gigantic Sweat Drops […] Greetings, O’ Underground Cartoonist! Thank you for entering into this course! You’ve undertaken a noble profession — the art of comics free […]
  37. I’m Tired of Being Cast as Young Russell Crowe, by Sam Pasternack It’s been happening since I was born, when a panicked casting director busted into the maternity ward. She was looking for a newly born baby […]
  38. Who’s Better: Babies or Old People? Watch ‘Debate Wars’ to Find OutSign up for Seeso for only $3.99 a month (the first month is free!). Campaign season is winding down and Election Day draws nearer, which […]
  39. Blake Lively’s Memoir: Special Sneak Peek!! by Mitra Jouhari My name is Mitra Jouhari. Two years ago Blake Lively reached out to me and gave me the honor of ghostwriting her autobiography. This project […]
  40. Crowdfund My Lunch, by Zack Stovall Dear Friend: You know me! And you know that, just like anyone else, I need food! I don’t just WANT food, I, like, almost NEED it. Any time […]
  41. The Student, by Julien Darmoni Dear Anton, Our parents, though they are dead to me, often remarked upon my sullen nature as a child. So somber, so soon! It was as if I […]
  42. Doug Stanhope’s ‘No Place Like Home’ Hits Seeso TodayIn partnership with Seeso. Sign up now for only $3.99 a month. Doug Stanhope is one of the darkest and most brutally hilarious comedians […]
  43. relationships
    The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up After Your Breakup with Trevor, by […]There’s no better time to implement Marie Kondo’s tidying and organizing system than after a breakup. Tidying begins with discarding. It’s […]
  44. Thank You For Your Submission to Moe’s Southwest Grill, by Jeff Vitkun Thank you for your submission to Moe’s Southwest Grill. Unfortunately, this piece wasn’t right for us because unlike our competitor, […]
  45. Notes From a Lasagna Dumpling Video Shoot, by Jeremy Glass Take 1: Not great, not bad, but the cheese congealed before we could do the proper reveal. Take 2: The light wasn’t hitting the broad side […]
  46. Thighs Deserve an Iconic Pop Song, by Evan Waite Thighs are the best. But you sure wouldn’t know it from listening to pop music these days. No disrespect to booties, but they’ve had more […]
  47. Dear State of California: Please Approve My Application for Paid Family […] Dear State of California, This is a personal statement to accompany my application for Paid Family Leave. Please understand, my husband is […]
  48. Rejuvenation Manual for Wretched Females, by Sarah Hutto In the spirit of embracing nothing about being an actual woman, here is a useful list of body parts that various industries and society in […]
  49. No, Your Ruse Did Not Scare Me, Despite Evidence to the Contrary, by Andy […] Ho ho, I see you’re up to your old tricks, Nathan. Popping out out from behind a corner, yelling “Boo!” and hoping to offer me up a great […]
  50. We Are the Only Collaborative Workspace with a Tenacious D Listening Room, […] As a CreativLancer hustling your way through the gig economy, you know that a robust co-working ecosystem is crucial to your success. That’s […]
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