The Bachelor

  1. Episode 16 Week 3
    Bachelor Recap: Feel Like I’m Going to Throw Up “She just rides in on her high hearse, no pun intended.”
  1. Episode 11 Week 10
    The Bachelor Recap: Two Weirdos in Love? The most spoiled reality TV season of all time somehow stays entertaining till the end.
  2. Episode 10 The Women Tell All
  3. Episode 9 Week 9
  4. Episode 8 Week 8
  5. Episode 7 Week 7
    The Bachelor Recap: ‘I Lost the Spark, Babe’ With a mini-Courtney intervention.
  6. Episode 6 Week 6
    The Bachelor Recap: A Man, a Plan, a Bunch of Women, Panama! Plus, someone’s not in love with Ben.
  7. Episode 5 Week 5
  8. Episode 4 Week 4
    The Bachelor Recap: Sch’Mores “I was just there two months ago.”
  9. Episode 2 Week 2
    The Bachelor Recap: Prince Pinot and the Charlie Sheen–Quoting Supermodel We start recapping with the second episode of the new season.
  1. Episode 12 Week 10 Finale
    The Bachelor Recap: The Final Rose Did Chris make the right choice? Yes.
  2. Episode 10 Week 9
  3. Episode 9 Week 8
    The Bachelor Recap: Home Is Where the Boobies Are Britt falls from hotness and Jade gets honest and emotional with some nudes.
  4. Episodes 6 and 7 Chris Tells All & Week 7
  5. Episode 6 Week Six
    The Bachelor Recap: Bad Girls and Badlands This week, we travel to the place “where Calamity Jane did her business.”
  6. Episode 5 Week 5
    The Bachelor Recap: Intrigue on the Santa Fe Express When in doubt, talk about your dead husband.
  7. Episode 4 Week 4
    The Bachelor Recap: The Virgin and the Pea Did you catch that? She’s a virgin.
  8. Episode 3 Week 3
    The Bachelor Recap: The Patriarchy Throwdown Is this show actually a metaphor for women’s lib?
  9. Episode 2 Week Two
    The Bachelor Recap: No Rules, All Zombie Murder Bachelor Chris thinks it’s pretty sexy to watch girls shoot zombies.
  1. Episode 11 Week 10
    The Bachelor Recap: Can I Walk You Out Oatmeal becomes a real boy.
  2. Episode 10 The Women Tell All
    The Bachelor Recap: 28 Women and a Chicken Bring out the Oatmeal! Make him answer for his crimes!
  3. Episode 9 Week 9
    The Bachelor Recap: Fantasy Suite, Rinse, Repeat Someone tell me if I accidentally bought a Time Turner from the Harry Potter universe?
  4. Episode 8 Week Eight
    The Bachelor Recap: Tell Me It’s Real (This Feeling That I Feel) Does Oatmeal even like any of these women?
  5. Episode 7 Week Seven
    The Bachelor Recap: Warsaw, the Gem of North-Central Indiana Forget Mexico! Forget Vegas! Forget literally every other city and country on Earth!
  6. Episode 6 Week Six
    The Bachelor Recap: Baywatch of Pigs Oatmeal takes the ladytestants to a Lord of the Flies waking nightmare.
  7. Episode 5 Week Five
    The Bachelor Recap: Snatchin’ Roses Let’s try to get through this together, America. We must forge on.
  8. Episode 4 Week Four
    The Bachelor Recap: Viva Las Puppets The lady-testants hang out with a ventriloquist in Las Vegas.
  9. Episode 3 Week Three
    The Bachelor Recap: Ball-Handling Skills Olivia stares directly into Ben’s eyes to peer into his soul. His soul is just country-music videos playing on a loop.
  10. Episode 2 Week 2
    The Bachelor Recap: Slow Times at Bachelor High Ahhh, nothing creepy about tasking grown women to act like high-schoolers to win the affection of a grown man.
  11. Episode 1 Week 1
    The Bachelor Premiere Recap: What’s Ben’s Thing? This is a recipe for an amazing season: a Bachelor who thinks he’s unworthy of every woman in the room.
  1. Episode 12 Week 11
    The Bachelor Season-Finale Recap: The Big Finnish Someone please marry this bowl of Cream of Wheat.
  2. Episode 11 The Women Tell All
    The Bachelor Recap: Napping the Night Away Rachel is basically a queen ready to ascend the Bachelor Nation throne.
  3. Episode 10 Week 10
    The Bachelor Recap: Two of a Kind The least dramatic rose ceremony in Bachelor history.
  4. Episode 9 Week 9
    The Bachelor Recap: Race to the Finnish Let’s just follow the formula of every other Bachelor season ever, okay?
  5. Episode 8 Week 8
    The Bachelor Recap: No Place Like Home I think I’m falling for Corinne?
  6. Episode 7 Week 7
    The Bachelor Recap: The L-Word Rachel’s Bachelorette season can’t come soon enough.
  7. Episode 6 Week 6
    The Bachelor Recap: Nick in Retrograde Stop trying to make anyone feel bad for you, Nick.
  8. Episode 5 Week Five
    The Bachelor Recap: The Big Easy This episode is an affront to history and human dignity.
  9. Episode 4 Week Four
    The Bachelor Recap: A Plethora of Issues It’s time to talk about Corinne. Is she really a villain?
  10. Episode 3 Week Three
    The Bachelor Recap: Make Corinne Great Again What are the Backstreet Boys doing in this episode?
  11. Episode 2 Week Two
    The Bachelor Recap: The Wrong Reason Let’s talk about all this sexual weirdness.
  12. Episode 1 Week One
    The Bachelor Season-Premiere Recap: America’s Happy Ending? This is not your typical season of The Bachelor.
  1. Episode 12 After the Final Rose
    The Bachelor Finale Recap: Guilt and Shame Is Arie at all sorry for what he did? Nah.
  2. Episode 11 Week 10
    The Bachelor Season Finale Recap: I Don’t Love That You can’t watch what happened here and not feel a deep, seething rage.
  3. Episode 10 Week 9
    The Bachelor Recap: I Love That and I Love You Just tell us what Arie did and free us from this prison.
  4. Episode 9 The Women Tell All
    The Bachelor Recap: The Women Tell All In what universe is this a “controversial” season, Chris Harrison?
  5. Episode 8 Week 8
    The Bachelor Recap: Meet the Parents Arie is a beige pashmina come to life.
  6. Episode 7 Week 7
    The Bachelor Recap: The Heartless Bachelor We’re just marching toward the inevitable final two of Lauren B. and Becca K., right?
  7. Episode 6 Week 6
    The Bachelor Recap: Le Célibataire Ennuyeux (the Boring Bachelor) Arie can barely muster anything that resembles human affection.
  8. Episode 5 Week 5
    The Bachelor Recap: Krystal Klear Every great diva has an iconic meltdown in a bathrobe.
  9. Episode 4 Week 4
    The Bachelor Recap: Feelin’ 22 In 100 years, when our great-great grandchildren look back at our time and wonder when our empire fell, I will point at this episode of The Bachelor.
  10. Episode 3 Week 3
    The Bachelor Recap: GLOB I still can’t tell any of these women apart.
  11. Episode 2 Week 2
    The Bachelor Recap: Pretty Women Arie has the emotional range of a faceless Macy’s mannequin.
  12. Episode 1 Week 1
    The Bachelor Season-Premiere Recap: Remember Arie? Arie Luyendyk is the human equivalent of a beige driving moccasin.

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